#I got in a fight yesterday and went crying to sleep

[katiascraft]

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ "Maybe i should've told you i miss you. But i don't know if you feel the same" | OP81 ✧₊⁺

parings: oscar piastri x singer!reader

summary: your insecurities lead to lose the love of your life, but destiny always play its worst (or best) cards for you. in the aftermath of it all, two souls become one (again). or that's what you'd like.

inspired by: gracie abrams music ⤦

⟢ ‘almost said I miss you’ EP: tracklist

➥ track 1 - mean it

➥ track 2 - stay

➥ track 3- I miss you, I’m sorry

word count: 6k.

warnings: angst. and a little fluff. mentions of insecurieties, trauma and depression. not a native english speaker so there could be (so many) erros. not proofread.

MASTERLIST

「 ✦ The ticking clock ✦ 」

You took a deep breath. Your hands were shaking and your stress levels were at their peak.

“You are always picking fights, y/n. I'm tired, "Oscar said, clearly annoyed. Is not that you always fought or had a toxic relationship, no. but lately, things got harder between you two. Stupid fights now and then. Dead silence that creeps you out everytime. Coldness was the new dynamic you had going on. And it hurts.

Everyday hurts lately.

“Oscar, I'm not always picking fights. For fucks sake, just wanted to know why you are so cold all the time to me!” you didn't want to raise your tone but desperation never took the best out of you. He was shocked, his head disapproving. Probably done with all of this. Done with you. You didn't want to admit it but maybe it was true. 

“I'm not being cold to you, y/n. I already explained it to you: I'm tired. My job it's complicated enough to come home to be even more complicated. Just stop” he said leaving the kitchen, leaving you behind hanging in your words. That made you so you followed him down to the living room. 

“Oscar, don't leave me talking alone, please! Why do you always have to run away? I have feelings actually you know? I would love to express them to my lover so we can have a proper conversation, what do you think about that?”

“y/n, bullshit. Don't act like I'm a monster who doesn't listen to you. If i didnt we wouldn't have this argument. Stop playing the victim for once. You don't hear me out either anyway” he gritted his teeth trying not to follow you down with your anger. He didn't want to raise his voice towards you. 

“Playing victim? You're an impossible oscar. I only asked you a fucking question, what did i do wrong for you to ignore me and act so cold? And you said you're just tired and that's bullshit” you were so angry by now. Offended. Hurt by his words. Hurt by the fact you were happy once and now everything is falling apart. You never hurt this deep before. 

“It's not!” he couldn't anymore with all of this. He didn't want to raise his voice but you made him feel exasperated. “You see? You don't trust me! Im telling you im just tired and you say its bullshit and then you play the victim card that i dont listen to you and im a fucking monster? I see how things go now. I'm done” he didn't even want to look at you. He just sat on the sofa looking at the floor. But you heard what he said under his breath. What you were most scared of what’s happening. 

You started crying out of desperation, anxious that all of this was gonna end right there and then. You just left him there and went back to the kitchen as if that way he wouldn't see nor hear you crying. You just couldn't keep talking or being around him. Your heart was sinking.

He sighed frustrated and stood up sprinting to his studio and banging the door. You gasped hearing the door closing so violently. No that he noticed what he said. Nor that he cared you thought he didnt care you anymore, that was for sure. 

(...)

You haven't talked to Oscar since yesterday. He didn't sleep at your shared apartment. He said he didn't want to see you. That hurt a lot. Your heart was already broken. You didn't know what to do anymore. You've been on this rabbit hole for several months. You didn't understand what broke between you or when it was. You felt confused, lonely and scared. What would your whole life be without him? Once, you only wrote love songs because what you felt for him was beyond what your body could handle so you needed to take it out. Now, you didn't write anything for months. You felt too much sadness, it felt like you didn't feel anything at all. Just emptiness. 

You were playing with your food, not really that hungry that you thought you would be. Another night alone without him. Would life be like this when he gets rid of me? I don't wanna leave. 

The doorbell rang. You frowned, not sure who it could be knowing it was almost 10pm and I couldn't sleep (just as yesterday and every time you had an argument with him). You looked through the little visor of the door seeing your boyfriend was back home. But telling from the look on his face, things wouldn't be better anyway. You opened the door after taking a deep breath not sure if you would survive another fight. 

You two just looked at each other for a few seconds. Probably analyzing how you were feeling now that 2 days have passed by. Neither of you smiled. Not that you had the energy or a reason to anymore. You moved from the door so he could get into the apartment and closed the door once he was in. 

“Did I wake you up?” he asked quietly. You swallowed hard not knowing what to say by this point.

“I can't sleep since you are gone, so. No, you didn't” you didn't want to sound cold, especially after you fought because he was acting like that with you,but you felt like shit and didnt have energy to pretend you were okay with it all. You felt miserable. He nodded without saying a word and looked at the floor for a moment. 

After a moment of really uncomfortable silence you broke it with something you didn't even think would slip out your mouth “are you seeing someone else, oscar?” your words cut through him as if they were sharp glass pieces just thrown directly at him. 

“What?” He was surprised and hurt that you thought about him like that. You shrug.

“I mean, it's not that you don't kiss me anymore, so.and i think you're not tired because of your job, i think you're just bored of me, tired of me, done with me” you sat on the kitchen table again. He followed you there but stayed standard. He was confused and hurt now. 

“When did I ever say that to you?” he was tired of all of this, for sure. But he wanted to make things work with you. He just didn't know how to.  It was hard for him to understand you, but he was trying. He finally sat in front of you staring at your plate. It was full, you kept playing with your doodles, pretending to eat like you used to. He felt so guilty for all of this. He knew at that moment. That he broke you. He didn't know how or when but he did. His face softened in sadness.

“You said it. You said you were done and you know what? I get it. I mean, it's not as if I am easy to love. I know I'm complicated and a pain in the ass for everyone so I wouldn't be surprised if you found someone else that makes you happy for real and you don't wanna tell me out of pity. I'm ready to hear it though. Just say it” your voice was empty and plain no emotion detected just numbness. He didn't want to think it was too late. It Has been a long time since he has seen you like this. At that time it wasn't him who made you feel like it. 

“I didn't mean to say it, y/N. I Was tired because of work and fighting with you. I don't like fighting with you. I wanna make things right, please. I wouldn't ever do that to you, you know it” he explained desperate for a moment. He wanted you to believe him. But your face didn't say anything. He couldn't read you and made him scared. You looked unbothered, way far gone now.  

You shook your head “i know you mean it and i know you are tired, but i don't think you really want to be with me anymore” your sincerity cut like a knife in both of you. Like, you over thought a lot about it but it still hurt. He was lost and didn't know what was going on anymore or was going through all of that. “You didn't deny it either” you continued.

“I'm not with anyone else, y/N, please” he cut you off with his deep voice, kind of cracky now. 

(...) 

You just didn't know how you ended up moaning his name once more. His mouth is in your centre. His hands are grabbing your tights. Your fingers on his hair.

How easy is it, right? To love someone. One moment, you destroy them.. Then, you fix them with makeup sex. Making them see the stars so they forget how shitty things are. So that pleasure it's more important than gentle affection. Always pretending to be sane then doing insane shit like this as if memory didn't exist when it came to you and him. As if feeling him inside you was the only thing that could fix your mind. That it was the only way to communicate properly. As if it was your love language, then ignore each other. 

His hands of your body grabbing you as if you were about to break and he was trying to keep all of your pieces together. As if he could save you or your relationship that was already 10 feet down buried. He would like to think sex could fix it. That it was the best way to communicate if then you didn't trust him. He was hurt and you didn't trust him. You were hurt because he didn't love you anymore. Unfortunately, your minds couldn't agree. You were the love of his life, he wanted to help and make you trust him. But you just didn't, you already convinced yourself he didn't love you anymore and that everyone was better than you. He wanted a team when you just wanted to run away from him. Or from yourself?

「 ✦ Destruction ✦ 」

“I'm done with you for real, y/n! Everytime an important day comes for me, you just like to ruin it!” He was mad as hell. Fed up with all your bullshit. 

“You really think I do it on purpose? oscar! “ He left the room so you started following him around your shared apartment. “I wouldn't if you didn't ignore like you always do! I don't know what to do anymore! Nothing seems enough for you!” you started crying out. Your heart couldn't take it anymore and this time it felt different. So much different than any time before.

“Why is it always my fault? Why am I always the one doing something wrong? The only thing you do is complain about me and then you just want me to kiss you?! You are insane!” His words cut you deep, so deep you thought they cut you in half and you were nothing anymore. You couldn't breathe for a moment. He called you insane just the way your parents made you feel your whole life. Maybe they were right after all. You deserved all of those years in a psychiatric hospital. You deserved even when he

 was the first one to say your parents were monsters and you were more than okay. More than normal. More than lovable. How ironic, right?You wanted to laugh but couldn't. You just couldn't move. 

Oscar realised what he said. He knew when he saw you. He felt terrible at that moment.

“Look, y/n i-” you cut him not wanting to listen to him anymore. 

“Dont talk” you said shaky under your breath. You had to sit down on the sofa because you felt you were about to faint. In shock - a lot of moments of your relationship replayed in your head. How could someone who said he loved you more than anything and anyone, end up thinking just as your parents? It was your fault. Of course it was. How could you ever think someone would love you? You were miserable. How can someone love a miserable person? 

Oscar started breathing heavily and he had to sit on the floor trying to calm down. He is always so collected and rational, these kinds of feelings he had never experienced, not even with his ex. 

“We can't be together Oscar, I make you miserable. And you're right. I'm insane, how could someone love me right? No one wants to deal with my bullshit, not even myself” you said quietly. His throat closed for a moment. He remained in silence for a few seconds processing your words. You didn't look at each other, you couldn't. Guess this was it. How sad, right? Oscar started crying realizing what was about to come.

“I promise y/N, I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it that way. You aren't hard to love, actually the opposite. But yeah, i don't think this is working for us anymore whether i like it or not” he said wiping his tears away of his face as he could. 

You nodded even though you didn't hear a word he said. It was over. Your life is over.

「 ✦ time heals it all, right? ✦ 」

It's been exactly 8 months and 25 days since you and Oscar were not together anymore. Yes, you had a countdown. You created it to see how far you’ll survive because you didn't believe you would last this much. You thought your life was over and for a few weeks it was. You didn't get out of bed. The break up depression, i guess. Your friends suggested you go back to therapy because they were really worried about you and your mental health. They knew how much Oscar meant to you: he was your everything. And to be honest, that was your first mistake going into the relationship with him. 

You shouldn't have made him your everything because you were nothing suddenly when you left. You didn't know who you were without him, what you liked or what you would like to be. All of your future plans had him in them. There wasn't a future without him. He was everywhere in your life. You shaped your destiny around him. You wanted to get married and have kids with him. And you never wanted to be a mother but he had changed that until he was gone. 

You couldn't go back to dating. You tried but failed every time. You were a little too afraid to get hurt again. You had to work through your insecurities and traumas first. There was a lot of your history that needed to be let go. You needed to go through really ugly times in your past to find some perspective. Forgive yourself, putting yourself first, understanding yourself. You just worked on knowing you and becoming the person you always wanted. 

And you grew and changed so much. You felt proud of yourself. You started writing again. Creating was the best way to mourn your relationship with Oscar alongside your old self that left him. To mourn that part of you that is gone forever. Creating was what kept you sane all this time. What brought you back to life. You wrote so many songs about him. Blaming you, blaming him. Blaming the universe for not putting it easier on you. 

So music, once again, saved your life. 

Oscar’s life changed drastically. Not only by the fact he didn't have you anymore on the paddock to cheer him on, but also he didn't have you in his apartment to share his life with. He missed you everyday he woke up to an empty bed. Mourning what you had changed him forever. He blamed himself for not knowing how to get to you, how to understand you and be able to help you through it. So he started reading about psychology to learn how to understand people better. He wanted to improve his emotional intelligence. He knew that maybe you wouldn't be there anymore, probably forever, but at least he could be better to the people around him. 

He didn't date anyone. His way of mourning was trying not to think about it occupying his space and time with work and training and racing and reading. He couldn't do anything else.  

He always found himself not being able to think, wondering where you were and especially how you were. After that night, you went to cero contact. And he knew it was the best, but he couldn't get you out of his head yet. He felt guilty knowing that he can understand your needs better when it's a little too late. He just wished to press rewind and do it again but the right way this time. He knew it was impossible and that dug a hole in his heart. He knew that it would be there forever. You were the love of his life. He really thought he couldn't love anyone that way, ever again. You were a force of nature for him. Blowing him away every single time. 

You never went back to races. He knew how much you adored the sport and how in another life you would have loved to be an engineer. You dreamed of one day to see a woman on the podium. You actually sponsored two girls from F1 Academy. The boys didn't see you again either. Actually he knew you did see lando a few times because you two became really close during your relationship, but lando always lied and told him that he didn't see you. He knew Lando was trying to be a good friend. He even tried to introduce Oscar to some girls but it never worked. He tried though. But he found himself thinking that he was kissing it was you. It was heartbreaking to see. He was kind of stuck on you. 

So he decided he would take his time to grow and figure out who he was by himself. Find comfort in his own company. Doing dates  by himself. He found it cringe to call it that way but his therapist insisted on calling it that way so he could deprogram himself from you and anything and everything related to you. 

He was proud of himself though. He was doing alright again, actually enjoying his job, his friends, and his own company. He even won races, he did podiums and everything he dreamed of. But still, he hoped you didn't feel like you needed to leave to let him shine. He wished you were there every time to hug you and shower you in  champagne. 

He really missed you in his life.

「 ✦ Too far gone, don’t know where we started ✦ 」

So here you were more than a year later at the Azerbaijan GP 2024. The Mercedes team invited you as a star guest so you came with your friend because alone you would have died. Actually, before coming to the paddock you had an anxiety attack and if it wasn't for your friend who made sure you felt safe and okay to go, you would’ve been on a plane back home. It was the first time since you broke up with Oscar you felt okay enough to be able to go through it. You were invited by different teams at least 15 times now. But you always lied and said you couldn't make it. You just needed to stay at home or the studio writing as far as possible from oscar and anything related to him. But you went through all of that with your therapist and she said that if you liked the sport and you really enjoyed races or anything related to it, you shouldn't let Oscar or the thought of him or what happened, deprive you of it. 

It was sunday, you preferred not to come on friday or saturday just because there were more possibilities you would bump into him. And you just weren't ready to see him. The race was insane so far. Actually, Oscar was doing more than okay. Your heart was pounding, you could hear it loud and clear. Your best friend held your hand all the time in that garage so you don't forget she’s there for you. And that you’re okay.  You knew you shouldn't be afraid of him because he was an angel. But you were scared of yourself and how would you handle that situation. You came to terms that actually, everything that happened between him and you, it was that your insecurities just made everything so toxic that he couldn't handle it all. It didn't feel good when you realised that but it is what it is. You didn't know better and forgiving yourself for that was the hardest part of the process. 

You squeezed your best friend's hand, it was the last lap. Your heart is almost out of your body. You are wearing an old Oscar hoodie. You really liked it, plus you came here looking like shit in your opinion. You didn't even brush your hair nor that you needed it like before, now your hair is super short. Everyone in the garage was watching closely and before you could actually process what you ‘ve just seen. Your friends shouted “omg” in unison not believing what they saw.

Destiny had its twisted ways to be honest. Osca won the race. he won. You were just shocked. 

You were here and he won, like, what are the chances of that to happen actually? First race you’re back and he wins. and in that way. Your friends hugged you. 

“Holy shit that 's really insane shit” Nikola said, watching the screens at the garage. 

“We need to go guys, i don't wanna see him, please” you didn't know why you started to panic like that. Sonny looked at Nikola and just got you out of there. 

At the Mercedes hospitality you felt safe while the celebrations were held. There was no reason or chance Oscar walked into the Mercedes building, right?  You were drinking some coffee with you girls trying to focus on the conversation about any other driver but Oscar, just around strategy and stuff. You were trying really hard but you couldn't stop thinking about the fact that maybe he could come into you any time. Now that you see destiny hates you. 

“y/N, you okay bestie?”Sonny tried to get you out of your drawing though by touching your arm so she could catch your attention back to reality. 

“Oh yeah, I was just thinking,” you said, adjusting yourself on the chair. Nikola looked worried. 

“y/n, we can go if you need to. We don't want you to feel uncomfortable, okay? Just tell us” she said, comprehensively describing the situation and her friend's feelings. You licked your dry lips.

Before you could answer her someone interrupted you. 

“y/, is it you?” that. Fucking. Voice. Your friends’ eyes widen as surprised as you were. You turned to the voice to find, in fact, your ex boyfriend watching you so confused. You were speechless for a moment. He looked so pretty and sweaty. His eyes are shining brighter than ever you have seen. 

“Oh, hi oscar. Yeah, it’s me” you tried to play it cool but to be fair, you felt the butterflies on your stomach just like the first time you met him at that  birthday party you didn't want to go to. But luckilyyou did. Destiny is always playing dirty for you. Or geniously. You didn't know anymore. He smiled widely.

“Oh, wow, hi, yeah. I didn't know you were coming” he said nervously. Your friends looked at each other noticing. 

“I was invited by George, actually. I almost didn't come tho. How crazy, you win right? You did an amazing race. "You were surprised that you could even have a proper conversation with him while your heart was hurting out of anxiety, nervousness and butterflies were everywhere. 

Oscar Felt his chest tighter. His stomach was happy to see you, he knew. “Thank you,” he said sweetly. You looked so pretty under the light of the Mercedes building. You were his hoodie, your favorite, but he didn't know if it was appropriate to mention it. Your hair was so short and looked so beautiful on you. It actually made you look prettier. Your face was the face of an angel, he always thought that. But with that haircut it only intensified your perfection. He felt stupid. Just like the first time he saw you at that party he wasn't even invited directly. Destiny always played on his favour with you, until that night. He didn't even want to remember it. You looked so different yet you felt the same. Your perfume was the same, he knew. It’s the one he gifted you on your 6 month anniversary. You used to celebrate each month. 

An awkward silence makes its presence between you two, not knowing what else to say or comment. 

“Congrats oscar on the win” sonny tried to save you from misery right there capturing oscar’s attention. He smiled gently, thanking her and nikola. He recognized them and gave them a hug. He seemed happy to see them. You smiled remembering your nights playing uno and drinking wine and baking canela rolls when winter break came around. You Missed him more than you’ve ever thought you would. And something inside you just felt exactly the same you always felt with him. He altered the chemistry in your brain so easily it was kind of scary. 

“Hey osc! Zac wants to talk to you! What are you doing here?” Lando Norris came into the building as well. He was your friend. when he saw who Oscar was, he grinned. “Hey, bestie, whatchu doing here?” he said happily, giving you a comforting hug. He was genuinely surprised because you didn't even tell you. He suspected Oscar was here because George told him you were here. He can't keep secrets. And he knew it was George because he was sure Lewis didn't even know you. 

“George invited us,” you explained after he stepped back.

“Okay let's go, great to see you girl. Hope to see you around more often "Oscar said while looking directly at you in the last sentence to then disappear dragging Lando out of the hospitality. Your friends looked at you and you looked at them.

“I need a whole vodka bottle down my throat right now” you sentence, making them laugh. But you didn't. You felt scared of what you felt a few moments ago. 

(...)

New year is here. You were invited along with your friends by lando to his beginning of the year party here in Monaco. And oh you knew Oscar was gonna be there. Of course, he is one of his closest friends also.

This time you felt more calm and collected around the fact you were going to see him again. I think being drunk was the thing you were thanked for. If something felt rare,you would drink straight vodka or tequila and the problem was solved. You didn’t even have to think about it. 

Your friend helped choose the sexiest dress for you. It was a satin white little dress with broderie endings. Pretty subtle but at the same time suggesting. Just how you were. Angel face, dirty minded. Problem was you couldn't date people because of the Oscars. Because since you saw him those seconds in Azerbaijan, you couldn't stop seeing his shiny eyes and beautiful smile every time you close your eyes. You didn't interact all of this time, you didn't even follow each other on social media. 

Mystery drove you I guess. And who could blame you? It was Oscar Piastri, the one you had to forget. But I just couldn't. You missed his touch, his breath, his voice, his lips. 

Your friend took you out of your thoughts telling you they needed to go to the bathroom. You Followed them around the party up to the toilets. They got in but you decided to wait outside because the music was just so good you wanted to enjoy it. You always wished you could write a party song but it isn't your thing at all. Nor you didn't have the personality for it. You were too deep of a person. You needed to cut deep. Be someone to suffer along with. Or at least that’s how you perceive yourself as an artist. 

“y/N?” not that voice again. That damn voice. Though this time you were waiting for it. You looked up to find a drunk Oscar in front of you. You were breathless for a moment. How can a man become so much hotter in just a year? You smiled at him feeling your strawberry lip gloss. 

“Hoy, osc. What’s up?” you said easily. The alcohol made it easier actually. When he smiled you almost died. You Adored his smile since that party you didn't even want to go to. You thought you fell in love with him just right there. Just right here…?

“I was looking for Danny, have you seen him?” he said normally, ignoring his heart, almost skipping a beat when he saw you in that short white dress. He hoped not to be drooling in your face. Since he saw you again, he couldn't get you out of his head. You were everyday hunting him. He wanted to text you but he wasn't sure if he should. You seem so happy now, he didn't want to ruin it. He convinced himself that probably the best for you was staying away from him as much as possible. At the end of the day, he was the reason you hurt, right? Or he wanted to believe that. 

For a moment you watched his lips talking to you. His drunk voice always turned you on. But you couldn't show it. Not anymore. You looked back at his eyes. Half smile on your face while shaking your head “no, i didn't. Iwas waiting for my friends that are in the bathroom” you explained and he nodded. 

“Well, I'll keep looking then. See you around” he told you to go back into the crowd to look for his friends. Hesaw the way you looked at his lips. He had to be the stronger one. It was better this way. As much as he wanted to eat you out right there and then.

He hurt you. He didn't understand you. He didn't deserve you. He made sure to protect you from himself. Even though all he wanted was to be with you.

「 ✦ the (your) truth is out ✦ 」

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liked by sabrinacarpenter, user456, landonorris and 1,543,678 others

yourusername: i'm so excited to finally tell you our biggest secret! my new ep 'almost said i miss you' will be out february 14 <3 (trying to resignificate the date lol) these songs are really important to me and i can't wait till they finally become yours. thank u to the bestest bestie in the worl for guiding me and helping me through it all, it wouldn't have been possible without you. and you guys for the support, you don't know how much you mean to me :,) thank you for listening to my music since day one. i feel so lucky! see you in a few weeks :D

tagged: sabrinacarpenter, y/nhq

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sabrinacarpenter: so proud of you baby, my fav artist forever. just keep smiling! it's so beautiful to see you happy <3

nikolabff: we are so proud of you gorgeous! the prettiest songs I’ve ever heard 🥹

sonnybff: girl you always serve, thank you for sharing your art to the world I admire you like crazy. So proud of you baby, I love you <3

user489: 'trying to resignificate the date' WHY AM I SOBBING AT WORK

User99: THE TRACKLIST 😭😭😭😭😭

↳ user87: “I miss you, I’m sorry” I CHOKED

user45: it hurt

user12: so excited

landonorris: can`t wait for the world to cry their eyes out just like i did when i heard them :( (it still hurt and I cry before falling asleep)

↳ nikolabff: bro same 😭😭😭

↳ maxverstappen: babygirl

↳ landonorris: get outta here 😡

georgerussel: I know who will cry listening to this

↳ danielricciardo: @/oscarpiastri

↳ landonorris: @/oscarpiastri

↳ sonnybff: guys knock it the fuck off

hattiepiastri: so prod of you girl! Can’t wait to listen to it!

↳ user67: NOT HIS SISTER OMG

↳ user08: I don’t wanna be delusional but girl you

don’t help

↳ user134: they NEED to get back together I don’t

wanna suffer anymore I know Hattie

wants it too 😭

user1: I’m not alright knowing these are for oscar tbh IM DEAD and I haven’t even listened to them yet

taylorswift: and artist of the year goes to…

olivirodrigo: my day to day inspiration

user975: I love girls supporting girls

user56: @/f1gossipofficial is there something about this you’d like to share????

「 ✦ The aftermath - february 14 ✦ 」

Oscar was back to the UK training for the beginning of the new season. It was the coldest winter he experienced. He got back home from mclaren hq. He took a hot shower to warm himself. His apartment was silent. It felt empty for the first time. Like something was missing. He went straight into bed. He wasn't that hungry anyway, but he was tired indeed. 

“Hey, listen to it. I think you need to” 

He saw his sister Hattie's notification pop up on his screen confusing him abit. He went into the messages app and opened his sister’s. When he did he understood what she was talking about. A knot on this throat formed. It was y/n ep. Guess he now understood taylor swift’s exes. It’s hard to date a musician ust because of the aftermath of the relationship. 

“Just do it. You will understand why once you did” 

Another message popped up on this screen and sighed heavily. Probably his sister was right but at the same time he was scaredas fuck. He opened it on spotify, she looked as pretty as ever on the cover of it. ‘Almost said I miss you’ - that was the title and only had 3 songs. By the names of them he suspected it was about him but he tried to believe they weren't even though his sister already told him that they were. He decided to listen to it in order.

He took his headphones from his nightstand so he could hear your voice clearly. All over his head. Cutting deep into his fiber. 

The first piano tiles started playing and his heart was already sinking. Hearing her voice so raw and close and clear sent shivers down his spine. He heard every single word you said. It described perfectly that horrible and forgettable night you broke up. Hearing your voice crack broke his heart into a million pieces. It wasn't even half of the song when he started crying. He knew what he said under his breath that sent you both straight into hell. He felt so guilty about everything. He really just wished to talk to you. 

When he started to hear the second song he knew it was about that race you went. He hoped to see you in the next one, and the next one. But you didn't go again. The lyrics were so real his skin felt every word. 

When he heard you saying that you felt sorry his tears streamed down his face more violently. He didn't recognize this person. But you always had this effect on him. With you he was a feeler, one that felt way too deeply. Unlike the person he shows to people. You always knew the real him. He couldn't lie to you. Even though you thought he would cheat on  you. He would never. Hearing you wanting to hold him broke his heart. Why did you both have to do this the hard way? Why didn't you just be happy with each other? He really missed you. He missed everything about you. Your presence around him. He was his best version with you. Now he feels like a ghost of who he used to be. 

The last song just ended him. 

‘Do you remember being happy together? I do, don't you? Then all of the sudden, you’re sick to your stomach. Is that still true?’ he whipped his tears the best he could. 

You never called her or told her you missed her. But he guessed you would have liked it like that. 

‘everything i know brings me back to us. Everywhere I go leads me back to you’ he felt the same. 

He didn't know what to do. He had a battle inside him. He promised himself he would stay away from you so you could be happy just like you deserved. But at the same time he wanted to be happy and he knew you made him happy. He was happy with you. 

“So? Call her please oscar. You both deserve to be happy and figure things out along the way, together”

Hattie read his mind. Her text just in time when he is back into the silent apartment. The empty and cold apartment that once was full of laughter and music because you were with him. He missed you so much. He missed hearing you play guitar rumbling words then writing them down. You hugged when he was back home, you cuddled in bed when he was sad, your perspective on things. He missed every detail about you.

But was he ready to come back to you?

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘ ∘₊✧──────✧₊∘ ∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

author's note: SO I DELETED IT BY MISTAKE AND I HAD TO REDO IT :(((((((( i've never been this sad but I hope you like it anyway. (This like a 2.0 version) it's the longest fic i've ever written and i love it sm :,) oscar piastri i deeply love you.

idk if I should do a part 2, should I?

also shout to to my international friends nikola and sonny, you girls at the best mwak mwak 💌

don't forget to like, reblog or comment! and follow me so we can be friends :3 (and drink mate together)

[bookiezzz]

how do you uhhh stop your eyes being puffy

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

So weirdly enough I'm sick of being treated like shit

[amirasainz]

I admit I read everything with baby Sainz in it.🫢 And as I'm on a Lando bender again. (Loving all things Lando) I was wondering if you could write something with Baby Sainz and Lando about how they got into a fight and the whole grid is there for her and being mean to Lando but like the fight was something really little and silly. (Something like Lando not putting his clothes away)

I hope that makes sense.

Oooppp!!!! That make me so happy to know that people enjoy reading my writing. I hope you guys enjoy reading this as well and let me know if you have any requests. I will do my best to write them ASAP

-XoXo

No Part 2!!!

Trouble in paradise

There were two things Lando hated dearly: fish and seeing his girlfriend cry. The first one is pretty self-explanatory. For him, fish tasted horrible and looked disgusting. It had a weird consistency and smelled—oh god, don’t get him started on the smell. The second thing, seeing his girlfriend cry, was because a beautiful girl like her should never have to feel any sadness. Her pretty eyes should never fill with tears, making the window to her soul more obvious than ever. Her perfect lips should never tremble, and her voice should never crack. Amira was made for being happy and carefree.

However, this morning, Lando managed to do the worst thing ever. He made his girl cry. And why? Because he is the biggest idiot on earth. The only thing she asked him yesterday was if he could start doing the laundry. Like the lovesick fool he is, he was more enamored with her presence than actually listening to her words. When she wanted to wear her favorite shirt today, which was in the laundry, Lando had to admit that he didn’t do anything. Maybe it was the current heat, her jet lag, her hunger, or the frustration that he didn’t do the simple task she asked him to do, but all of it was too much. And Amira tried to be brave, she really did. But she couldn’t help but let her frustration and sadness out through her tears. When Lando saw his girlfriend crying in front of him, he wanted nothing more than to cry himself. What kind of monster is he, making his perfect girlfriend cry because he was a lazy idiot?

The others around them immediately realized something was wrong when the couple arrived this morning in the paddock. Usually, Lando would have his arm around her shoulders, their hands intertwined, kissing her shamelessly in front of everyone and whispering sweet nothings in her ear. But today, they arrived with only their pinkies intertwined. Despite having a huge fight about something so silly this morning, the couple couldn’t stand not touching one another. If their unusual entrance wasn’t a huge sign that something was wrong, it was Amira’s behavior. Instead of wearing bright, vibrant colors, the young woman wore a black jacket with sunglasses on. Her blue shirt was the only speck of color in her outfit. If even THAT wasn’t a sign that something was amiss between them, it was on their way to the motorhomes. Instead of leading Amira proudly into his side of the garage, he brought her to the Ferrari garage. There, one could see Lando hugging Amira, whose shoulders shook. Without another word, Amira left a heartbroken Lando inside. One might have thought that something terrible had happened to his family, instead of him forgetting to do the laundry…

The news spread like wildfire that Amira and Lando had a fight because Lando couldn’t be trusted to do a simple task. The drivers and WAGs were furious when they heard about what happened. Carlos even went as far as keeping his sister inside his driver’s room, making her sleep and eat something. While Carlos was busy taking care of his precious sister, Lando had the worst day of his life. EVER.

It all started when he ran into Carmen and George. The couple were busy staring daggers at him while he was on his way to the media pen. Lando was so distracted by their glares that he didn’t see Lewis. He bumped straight into the 8-time world champion, who wasn’t very keen on seeing the young Brit. “Oh, sorry Lewis. I didn’t mean to bump into you,” Lando apologized. Lewis looked him up and down before muttering, “Seems like you never mean to do something.” Before Lando had a chance to ask what he meant, Lewis turned around and walked away.

A confused Lando continued walking to the media pen. During the conference, he was asked about his outfit ( new Quadrant merch) when Max muttered loud enough for the microphones to pick up: “Must be nice to have clothes you can wear because you can rely on your partner.” The atmosphere in the room became strained in a matter of seconds. The reporter awkwardly tried to move on. Lando wasn’t stupid; he knew what this was. This was his punishment for upsetting the paddock princess.

After a 40-minute-long speech from Lily and Kika about how important giving and taking in a healthy relationship was, Fernando calling him “El mayor idiota que ha existido en la tierra,” Charles letting Leo bite him, Lily and Oscar giving him the biggest side-eye ever throughout the day, Yuki “accidentally” pushing him into a wall, and Pierre starting gossip about him, he finally went to Carlos’s driver’s room.

He gently knocked on the door, wishing it would be his girl opening it. Sadly, today was truly not his day, because he was met with the sight of an angry Carlos. Before Lando had the chance to say anything, Carlos brought him closer. He whispered quietly in Lando’s ear: “If Amira wasn’t so damn much in love with you, you would already be under the earth. I know where you live, I know your password, I know your deepest secrets. If you ever, and I mean ever, in your entire life make my sister cry again, it will be the last thing you’ll ever do. ¿He sido claro?” Carlos only let poor Lando go after he swore to never do something stupid like that again. “Good, now you will go inside, apologize to Amira, and buy her a new freaking Birkin bag. Did I make myself clear?” Carlos sternly asked.

Safe to say that Lando did a lot of groveling that day. It took the drivers and WAGs 5 months, 1 week, 28 days, and 17 hours to stop with the “Lando-fuck-up” jokes. And Amira? She never had to wonder about a thing again; they now had a housemaid, Aurelia, who only adored Amira and not Lando.

[lieslab]

Not strong enough

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Og8 X gn reader

Summary: Skz finds you when you're struggling with a depressive episode and they try to cheer you up.

Genre: Comfort/hurt & fluff

Word Count: 3.4K

Trigger warning: Depression, anxiety, occasional jokes about dying, and the Seungmin one mentions skin-picking.

A/N: Yesterday I said I'd post a new drabble tomorrow and with barely an hour left in the day, I made it. This was a request, but some of this was sheer stupidity. Depression is a very serious thing, but I have no doubt that the guys would attempt to cheer you up, even if it meant having silly conversations, making bad jokes, and trying to do whatever it took to see you smile <3

_ _ _

Chan:

You rubbed your face with your hands for the third time within the past fifteen minutes. Frustration poured over you as you ripped another page from your journal, crinkled it up, and threw it to the ground. 

Chan glanced up from his computer with a frown. He tugged an earbud from his ear and looked over you. You were bent over the desk in your shared bedroom. Every night, you journal about your day, but the words weren’t coming out today. You already missed the past three entries and were trying to catch up. 

“Are you okay over there?” Chan called out. 

“I’m fine.” 

His eyes went from the back of your silhouette over to the wadded ball of paper and back to your back. You could feel him staring, but you ignored it as you went back to writing words on the lined paper. You began writing, but didn’t get very far. You stopped when your eyes filled with tears. 

You sniffled, wiped them away, and began writing again. Chan knew something was wrong, but you didn’t want to talk about it. Forcing yourself to swallow the lump in your throat and the frustrated sobs that you wanted to push out, you stayed quiet and kept forcing yourself to write. 

The scribbled handwriting was sloppy and none of it was legible. Tears blurred your eyes and made it difficult to see, but you kept pushing. You only stopped when there was a creak behind you. 

Chan put his laptop aside, pulled out his other earbud, and left them on the bed. His bare feet caused loose wooden floorboards to creak beneath the carpet. When he got to you, a supportive hand fell onto your shoulder. 

“Are you okay?” 

You sniffled and shook your head. 

“Wanna talk about it?” 

You shook your head again and his fingers sent a light squeeze to your shoulder. “That’s alright. How about you come back to this in a while? We can watch a movie and hang out.” 

“I don’t want to bother you,” you hoarsely got out. 

His lips pushed into a frown. His eyes studied your face, searching for a sign of what was really wrong with you, but nothing stuck out. You seemed to be okay, so it must have been an internal thing. 

“You’re never a bother to me, sweetheart. You’ll never be a bother to me. Even if you wake me up in the middle of the night or interrupt me while I’m working on a new song, you’re never a bother. This is the least I can do to help make you feel better. Besides, it’s been a while since we last watched something funny.” 

The pen dropped from your hand and you nodded. That oversized lump was still there when you leaned forward, grabbed the front of his shirt, and tugged him closer to you. He didn’t fight it as you wrapped your arms around his waist and kept him held tight. 

“Better?” He smiled softly as he wrapped his arms around your back. 

In the familiar scent of his cologne and the comforting warmth, all you could do was nod. 

_ _ _

Minho: 

Plink!

Plink! 

You opened your eyes with a groan. Crying yourself to sleep again caused your eyelashes to stick together. In the darkness of your bedroom, the only thing letting light in was the moonlight slipping between the curtains. 

You shifted in your covers and pulled them over your head. Even the moon was too bright. You didn’t want to let any light in. With the way you had been feeling lately, you were okay with drowning in the darkness. 

Plink! Plink! Plink! 

It’s just hail, you reassured yourself as you buried your head in the cover. It stopped for a while and then there was a loud crack. You jerked up straight in your bed with wide eyes. With eyes meeting the window, a large crack sat along the middle of the glass panel. 

You shoved yourself from the bed and rushed over, hoping to capture the perpetrator. When you got there, to your surprise, nobody was running away. Instead, Minho was down below waving his hands frantically to capture your attention. Confusion filled your half-asleep stature and you slid open the window. 

“I didn’t mean to put a crack in your window with the rock. I’ll replace it, I swear. Come downstairs and let me in before I break a bottom window and crawl inside.” 

“Do you know what time it is?” You called down. 

“Time for me to hold you while we both get some sleep. You’ve been ignoring my calls and texts. I would have come earlier, but dance practice stayed over. I told you I’d be over later, but clearly-” His hands shifted to his hips. “Someone ignored my messages.” 

“Go back to your dorm, Minho.” 

“Don’t make me hunt down a crow bar and force entry into your household. Let me inside. I know something is wrong with you and you’re crazy if you think I’m just going to let you deal with it on your own.” 

“If you’re so desperate, why don’t you just climb up here?” 

“Fine!” He huffed, spun around to face the large maple tree beside him, and began to identify the weakened points to climb up. He shoved his foot into the knot of two branches and yanked himself up. 

His body still ached from practice, but he was worried about you. In the outline of the window, you looked pale and exhausted. You were crazy if you thought he was going to return empty-handed. 

“You’re such an idiot,” you grumbled as he climbed higher branches. He steadied himself pretty well as he used his limbs to climb higher and higher. 

Before you knew it, he was only about three feet from your window. With a steady balance, he pushed himself to his feet. “Back up, so I can jump in.” 

“Huh?” 

“Back up. You know like-” He flapped his hands back towards you. “Scooch your booch or whatever. Haul ass, so I can get inside.” 

“I’m gonna shove my foot up your booch.” 

“You’re going to regret that if I fall and die.” 

“You are so dramatic.” You stepped back, but stood near the window, just in case he needed you. 

He took a running start before he launched himself at your window. Like a cat, he pounced and caught the end of the windowsill. He shifted and shimmied until he got in and landed with a soft thud on the rug. 

“So,” he sucked in a deep breath, “are you going to tell me why you’re ignoring me?” 

“I’m not in the mood to do anything besides sleep. I just want to melt into the bed and be at peace for a while. It’s all so overwhelming and you know how it is.” 

“I think I do. Luckily, I’m here to save you.” He shifted, kicked off his shoes, and pushed you towards the bed. “We’ll discuss this more tomorrow, but for now, it’s bedtime.” 

_ _ _

Changbin: 

“Do you want to go to the movies?” 

“No.” 

“On a walk?” 

“No.” 

“Gym?” 

“No.” 

“How about we relax with a drive?” 

“No thanks.” 

Changbin sighed and shifted on the bed. He inched closer to you and let his legs intertwine with yours. “Well, what do you want to do?”  

“I want to lay here and do nothing. I don’t have the energy to do anything. I just want to lay here beneath the covers and if I’m lucky, God will strike me dead.” 

“Nuh-uh! If God strikes you dead, I’m coming up there and giving him an ass-whooping.” 

“You can’t beat up God, he’s God.” 

“Well then, he can keep his immortal fingers off my significant other. Honey bear, you’re stuck with me forever. No matter what, I’m always gonna be right here beside you.” 

“Thank you.” 

“I know life is hard and I know sometimes you tend to struggle.” He shoved himself up and rubbed his hands together. “So I have decided to squash the sadness out of you.” 

“Huh?” 

“You heard me.” He stumbled and struggled to find his balance on the wavering bed. He rubbed his hands together again and shifted his feet. 

“Here I come!” 

“Changbin, no!” 

“Binnie, yes!”  

You lost your breath as he let his arms out to the sides. Your eyes squeezed shut and you braced for impact, but it never came. Instead, he let out a giggle and plopped back down beside you. 

“You really thought I was gonna squish you? You survive another day and I get to love you one more time.” He wiggled over and rolled on top of you, so your chests were pressed together. You sent an unamused scowl his way. 

“Aw, come on, don’t be like that!” He reached up and pressed your cheeks together. “Goosh, goosh. Who’s a cutie patootie? Who’s my little cutie patootie?” 

Your cheeks went bright red and you tried to shove his hands away, but he wouldn’t stop cooing at you. Your head went back as you laughed and he beamed. 

“There’s the laughter I love. Hold still! I wanna do it again, so I can hear you some more. Oochie, coochie, coo.” 

“Coochie?” Your eyes widened

“Hey! Don’t make it weird!” 

_ _ _

Hyunjin: 

“Have you been feeling off lately too?” Hyunjin asked. 

The two of you had your backs pressed into the overgrown grass. Ticks and bugs were the least of your worries as you stared up at the empty night sky. Your eyes swam across the speckled constellations. “Something like that, yeah.” 

“Miserable and depressed?” 

“Miserable and depressed,” you agreed. 

“I thought so. I’ve noticed that sometimes when you start feeling rough, I feel rough. Maybe we’re connected or-” 

“Maybe you’re just emotionally sensitive and in tune with my emotions or, better yet, you can read body language.” 

“I liked my idea of being emotionally connected better, but okay, sure. Go right ahead and crush my little heart and my dreams.” He dramatically huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. 

“I think I will,” you joked softly. 

He huffed once more and a silence grew between the two of you for a while. It took a bit before you responded again. “Do you think the stars look at us and laugh at how tiny we look? Are we looking at them or are they looking at us?” 

“That’s a good question, but I thought stars were dead.” 

“Supposedly, I think, but who really knows.” 

“Space is confusing,” he mumbled beneath his breath. 

“Life is confusing,” you added. 

“I just want to stay in this moment forever.” 

“Me too.” 

“You know,” he shifted and rolled onto his side to face you, “I brought you here to remind you that beauty still exists in the darkness.” 

“How poetic.” 

“Romantic, hmm?” He grinned and leaned closer. “I know you like keeping your struggles hidden, so I’ll be here waiting for you to unleash them. In the meantime, maybe we can find another planet in the maze of stars or something.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Anytime, sweets, anytime.” 

_ _ _

Han: 

“You’re ignoring me!” 

“Han,” you mumbled softly, “I swear it’s not on purpose. I’ve been having a struggle lately and please know that it’s not you. It’s me and my brain. Everything is just a mess lately and I’m so tired.” 

“Wait, why didn’t you say that in the first place? How long has this been happening? What’s going on?” He kicked off his shoes and rushed towards where you were laying on the couch. “Are you okay?” 

“Physically? I’m fine. Mentally? I’m stuck in the waves of depression and everything is so exhausting. I truly don’t mean to ignore you, but all I can think about is how nice a nap sounds. I wake up and barely do anything and then I’m exhausted.” 

“Uh-oh.” He straddled one leg over you and gently sat himself on your waist. “I have some news for your brain.” 

“Oh, really?” 

“Uh-huh.” He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against your own. You blushed at the intimate contact and he pushed your head gently back into the leather couch. 

“Listen here brain, you better shape up and ship out. You keep that sad shit away from my significant other. Don’t make me stick my fingers up their nose and give you a good shake. I’ll clock your noggin, baby. Don’t think I won’t give it a good shake and a swift spanking like a piggy bank.” 

“You’d really shove your fingers up my nose?” You whispered in an attempt not to laugh. 

He suddenly leaned back and blinked. His hand went up and he looked at his fingers and then your nose. He cocked his head, stuck up two fingers, and hummed as he shifted and observed them. 

“Now that I don’t think about it, I’m not sure they’d fit. Do you wanna try it?” His entire face lit up at the possibility. 

“Keep your fingers out of my nasal cavity. I don’t know where they’ve been and quite frankly, I don’t wanna know. You’ve probably had them down yo-” 

“Woah, woah, woah! This is a family show! None of that!” 

“You threatened to spank my brain!” 

“If you keep back-talking, you’re gonna be the one to get a spanking.” 

_ _ _

Felix: 

“I would move mountains for you. I would make the world stop tilting on its axis. I’d prick my finger on every spinning wheel until I found my way back to you and I would-” 

“What are you doing?” You asked as you cocked your head. 

Felix was standing in your kitchen early in the morning. In a chef’s hat, a floral apron, and flour smeared across his cheek, he was a mess, but he was a cute mess. He sucked in a deep breath and let it out. 

“One of the guys said you told them you were struggling lately and when you told them and didn’t tell me, I was upset. However, I then realized that you told them when you were drunk which basically meant you weren’t going to tell anyone and the point is-” He stepped away from the counter he was standing in front of and pushed out his arms. 

“I know you have a sweet tooth and I’m not sure when you last ate. I know too much sugar isn’t great for you, but I believe it’s better than starving, so I might have used your kitchen and went overboard.” 

He smiled sheepishly and gestured back to the tray of desserts that sat perched behind him. “So I made you sweet treats and I know you have the day off, so I thought maybe we could hang out.” 

“Felix…” Your voice came out hoarsely as tears filled up your eyes. “You really didn’t have to do that.” 

“You’re right, but I wanted to. You’ve done so much to make my life easier and I wanted to return the favor.”  

“Honestly, I don’t think today is a good day to hang out. I’m sorry, but I don’t think I have the energy to go outside and I…” You trailed off as your hand went to the back of your neck. “I just came out to get a glass of water. I’m still really tired, so…”

“Hey, that’s okay! I’ve been up all night and nothing sounds better than cuddling you. At least, if you allow me to.” 

“As long as you wipe the flour off your face.” 

“Done deal.” 

“And maybe bring two of those chocolate cookies, so we can have a mini snack.” 

“Say no more.” 

“Thank you, sunshine.” 

“Hey, I should be thanking you. You make me so happy and I can’t wait to cuddle you again. It’s been quite a while since the last time that happened. Come on!” He took off his apron and hat. “Let’s eat and head back to bed.”

_ _ _

Seungmin: 

“You’re doing that thing you do when you’re anxious again.” Seungmin pointed out as you picked at the skin along the side of your nail. When you didn’t respond, he tried again. “Hello?” 

No response. 

He sighed, reached out, and placed a hand on yours. You jumped, frightened by the sudden warmth, before you relaxed again. “What are you doing?” 

“You’re picking at your fingers. You told me to tell you to stop it when I caught you doing it.” 

“Oh, right. Sorry.” You pulled your hands away and laid them at your sides. 

“Is something wrong? You’ve seemed pretty lost the past few days. Your mind seems to be elsewhere. It’s like you’re here physically, but not mentally.” 

“I haven’t been the best lately. I think my depression is starting to come back again. I swear, I’m trying to help myself, but sometimes it seems a bit pointless. I seem okay and then I fall apart again.” 

“It’s okay to struggle, but it’s not okay to do it silently.” 

“That’s quite the shocker coming from you. You always like keeping your struggles to yourself. It almost seems a bit hypocritical.” 

He groaned and tossed his head back. “I know and I’m trying to work on that. If I have to work on my issues, it means you have to work on yours. How about this? We ramble our issues to each other and then we pretend that it never happened and go back to normal after being vulnerable.” 

“What’s the catch?” You raised an eyebrow. 

“The catch is that we keep opening up to each other during the next few days, but only at specific times. That way, we’re not overwhelmed and we still get out our issues, even if we don’t want to, but once the time is up, we don’t talk about them again.” 

“Good enough.” 

“You start.” 

“No, you.” 

“No, you.” 

“You’re impossible.” 

“Up yours, Seungmin.” 

_ _ _

Jeongin: 

“Don’t give me that look, you know I cave easily when you look at me like that. This isn’t fair!” You complained with your arms crossed. A pout sat on your face as Jeongin laid in your lap with a full dose of puppy dog eyes and a drooping bottom lip. 

“I just wanna know what’s wrong with you. You’re not laughing at my jokes and you’re distant. You keep staring at the blank wall and it’s starting to freak me out. Are you seeing aliens or something?” 

“I’m not seeing aliens!” 

“Well, you might be!” 

“We don’t even know if aliens exist.” 

“If they do, I’d tell you that you have to tell me what’s wrong. If you don’t, I’d allow them to probe you.” 

“Woah! Woah! Woah! Huh?” Your eyes widened in shock as you stared over at him. “You’d let them probe me?” 

He pouted and shifted, so his face was facing the TV instead of you. “That’s what happens when you don’t open up to your lover. You get probed by aliens.” 

“That’s bullshit.” 

“I’d call them off if you just told me what was wrong with you.” 

“You don’t even know if they’d listen to you or not.” 

“Yeah, I do. I literally sang Maknae on top. Obviously, that’d be their national anthem and my face would be on their flag.” 

“And what planet do you live on? Narcissism?” 

He scoffed, “pft, no. Obviously, it’s planet pride.” 

“For more than one reason,” you whispered beneath your breath. 

“Huh?” He shifted to glance over his shoulder at you. 

“Nothing. Anyway, for your information, I’ve had a rough few days and I’ve mentally checked out. I don’t want to say it’s depression, but-” 

“It’s sadness that could turn back into your depression?” He guessed. 

“Something like that. I need to schedule another appointment with my therapist, but every time I think about making the call, I want to burst into tears.” 

“How about you email her instead?” 

You opened your mouth to disagree and then paused. “Well, I guess I could do that. I didn’t really think about it, but that’d work.” 

“You better get on that before the aliens come down and probe.” 

“I’m going to kick your ass.” 

“Good luck, babe. You can’t reach it when you’re here being sad.” You rolled your eyes and he laughed. “You better write that email by tomorrow. The aliens are merciful for one business day and then they’re coming to search your insides.” 

“What are they going to find besides my depression?” 

“Stupidity.” 

“You’re so lucky that I love you and I appreciate you.” 

“Like I said, stupidity.” 

“I’m going to toss you onto a UFO and send your ass to the moon.” 

“That’s not gonna save you from alien probing. The aliens and I are linked up. We can talk to each other with our brains.” 

“I can’t believe you have this planned out.” 

“And I can’t believe you don’t.” 

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

Taglist: @lina-linny @straykidsstanforeverandever @seungnishi @stellasays45

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[ryansosilly]

"Daddy energy Dom Ghost"? Never heard of her! Ahahahahhahahsplsstopmischaracterisinghimhahahah

Fic idea? yeah sure is one! You got a 'love confession' from THE Ghost Riley. And since he is incapable of regulating his emotions and dealing with what he feels in a healthy way..he is just... A chaotic awkward mess. Don't blame him! All he knows is pew pew and crying himself to sleep every night!!! He didn't get training for that?!!!!

Also, I'll refrain from using y/n since apparently people dislike it? Idc personally but for this specific fic, you're referred to as "you" or "[redacted]" in place of your name

Ghost was actually just as close to breaking down as he was earlier. And yesterday. And the day before that.. Well.. It would be a great fucking underestimation to even attempt to say that the way he felt has not had a 'little' punch on his psyche. Every single time he got even a single glance at you he already felt like he was in the middle of a war, his heart racing beyond any means for him to slow it other than measures he knew very well he shouldn't take. Ghost felt so sick just by thinking about very possibly confessing or even asking You for help with the way he feels that it ruined his appetite which ended up bringing your attention to him.

You were making Ghost truly lose every ounce of sanity he had left just by existing and it really pissed him off. Pissed him of a LOT. He couldn't stand for it anymore. So, after months of struggling against his pride and ego, Ghost decided it was time to confess. Or perhaps just confront you for making him feel like that. A fucking Rookie like you had absolutely no god damn right to make him feel like that?? Who did YOU think YOU are??

After a couple hours..(which were meant to be only couple minutes) of punching a punching bag while fighting against his inner turmoil and fears of love that he has yet to even realise, he finally felt hyped and confident in himself just enough to go talk with you and ask you very politely to come with him to a secluded place for a discussion.

The very moment he stepped out the training room he had secured only for himself, his face started to feel hot and hands get shaky. Perhaps not today. He immediately stepped back inside the 'gym' and continued to train to bring himself to it. Unfortunately, by that point, his comrades were getting way beyond sick of Ghost's bullshit. Everyone BUT You and Ghost himself knew. (Even though both of those could be argued..)

They didn't even bother checking on Ghost at that point, knowing how defensive he got when you were ever brought up in a conversation.

"I fucking hate youuuuuuuu, [Redacted], this is ALL your fault!"

Ghost groaned from under a pole, doing pull ups until he could not anymore. It was his way of 'relaxation'.. albeit not very effective. Groaning and cursing your name just to shut himself up at some points, his tongue lingering on the beautiful way their name sounded coming from his mouth, leading to him ending up sounding exactly like a broken record. His sentences being cut short from "curse you, [Redacted]...[Redacted]...." Between shallow shaky breaths.

...Yeah that shit was NOT cutting it.

He couldn't fucking handle it anymore. His arms were already aching and he didn't even feel remotely prepared for asking you out. What could he possibly fuck up anyway? It's just a Rookie either way... Right? He got off the damned sweaty pole and immediately went towards the door, steps heavier than even his breathing. That mask could hide only so much from his sheer embarrassment and hatred for this entire situation. He just decided to say 'fuck it' and go do it directly.

"Come on, Simon. You can do it.. you are THE Ghost. A rookie can't fucking make you act like this, you won't stand for it!"

Ghost muttered to himself, grumbling and growling with really severe irritation in his voice, yet, keeping it quiet. If anyone even heard, he was sure that he will be fucked up for eternity. Of course, Ghost was really fucking blind to the fact that everyone knew. Every single person could see right through the act and tell that Ghost was very much into the 'stupid rookie' [Redacted]..

With a raspy voice, body pumping adrenaline straight through his blood and all around, going to his brain and clouding his sense of judgement. He blindly walked past so many people, instantly letting them know exactly what was going to happen.*

"Holy shit?? Why is Ghost so..? Pumped up??" Soap whispered, mouth agape as Ghost rushed through the corridors, going towards the 'Little stupid rookie's hideout' as he would call it.. Soap had almost instantly found out Ghost when he was following around the new recruit like a lost puppy kicked out in the rain, even finding out your places to hang out after duty. Of course, Ghost never even said a single word to you directly..

Meanwhile Soap was planning a perfect gossip plan, Ghost was getting more confident with every step until he reached his destination. Staring at the door that he just wanted to kick open or just punch through with bare fists. That damned fucking door.

"...."

The very same second he grabbed the handle, he started cursing under his breath, the mask making the cursed even more muffled. He was right there, Ghost, just do it!! You can't fuck it up, it's just a god damn talk with a rookie you've done a thousand times before!!

Ghost's breathing was getting more laboured and heavy to the point that it was...very clear that there was someone in front of your door. So you did the so-nice-thing of opening the door for him.

"..."

"..."

Ghost just stared and stared and stared...and stared, one eye starting to twitch. The silence was so fucking loud and neither you or him was breaking it. After maybe 10 full minutes of pitch silence and him being completely still just staring directly into your eyes, he found the ego within him to clear his throat and cross his arms, lifting his chin up and shutting his eyes to show his normal 'Big boss' attitude.

"You little fucking twat. I hate you, I hope you know that. So, come the fuck outside and I'm going to confess to you without you rejecting me. Got it?"

..yeah maybe the ego was a bit too much. It took another couple seconds, maybe even minutes (he couldn't tell) until he actually understood what the fuck he had just said.

"Bloody hell.....no, that's not fucking happenin-.."

Before his brain could even comprehend what happened, panic overtook him the exact moment you opened your mouth to speak. Annnnndd...BOOM. Ghost punched you directly in the face.

What the absolute fucking bloody hell??? In the name of the queen and king what did you just do, Simon??????

Without thinking twice, he managed to get his courage and immediately ran away, going into the shadows to just even attempt to understand what went that wrong? How could something as simple go THAT south??? His brain was flooding with questions that no amount of working out could clear.

So of course, he did exactly what a responsible adult would do. He fucking ignored everything and acted like nothing happened. Just staring at you from afar for the next MONTHS until YOU had the courage to come talk to HIM about it. Of course, knowing the reputation that Ghost had, there was no way a rookie would come confront him about it, right? Yeah, he was definitely fucking safe.

A small smirk appeared under his balaclava as he took a deep breath of relief, leaning against a wall outside. Definitely saved that one, didn't he? He was very convinced that he...somewhat.. got away with the 'accident '.

Oh, Simon.. that proud smile fell and slipped right off that smug face when a very...particular rookie, You, just walked right up to him.

".... You're taking the piss..."

*The amount of cold blood now circulating through his body can make a psychopath shiver. Slowly looking down at you then immediately looking away. Just the IDEA of facing you made him want to break down.*

"so.."

*you started to speak but were cut off almost instantly, he turned around and grabbed you be the shoulders.*

"have you told ANYONE about what happened?"

*He spoke very lowly but the aggression he forced into his voice to try and scare you was prominent. Of Course..it wasn't very effective when everyone and their grandma knew he wouldn't lay a finger on you... Except that one time...and that other- Nevermind. He would never do it on purpose or with ill intends.*

*Once he saw you nod, it was not even necessary to let you speak..or even let you open your mouth. Upon your attempt to speak, he put his hand right over your mouth, his eyes locked into yours. His eyebrows were slightly furrowed, his expression mostly unreadable.*

"I think I'm into you. No jokes, no pranks. So, reject me if you will and we'll go right back to our routine exercise, alright?"

*due to the copious amount of shame he felt, he was so distracted that..he did not even realise he was still covering your mouth. A thousand thoughts went through his head and not a single one was particularly..good. Luckily for the poor man, you reminded him to let go by tapping his hand.*

"..my bad."

*He ...apologised? Well he thinks he did but it just came off as kind of rude with his tone of voice. He took a big step back and straightened himself as if Price himself stood in front of him. Fuck it, not even Price can get him to look that stiff and..well.. uncomfortably awkward. It was even surprising to the passing by soldiers how the fuck he was this stiff that from now on, there'll be some rumours about you being some sort of a monster capable of even putting the Lieutenant down. Isn't that neat?*

"I do like you back. I wasn't going to reject you today or that day, you just ran away too quickly and.. knocked me out."

*The silence was even more deafening now, you prepared yourself for the slight possibility of another punch by reflex coming but this time, it didn't come. Ghost was lost in thought that even his quick battle thinking couldn't help him with navigating. Just..frozen there.*

"Really?"

*His words broke the silence. It didn't sound demanding or aggressive but like a genuine confused question. Almost baffled that you could ever feel the same for him.*

"..Yes?"

*You returned the word with a just as confused reply, speaking it as a question, accompanied by a nod. You attempted to cut down the distance by taking a step closer to him while he was still distracted and frozen.*

"Cool that's cool. So.. I'm asking you out. "

"Date?"

"..Maybe? Do you want to date me?"

"Yes.."

*Every single little Simon in his head was screaming right now, basically speaking and acting on autopilot. That was both a good and a bad thing..*

"Good. I'm coming for you tonight, prepare."

*Then he??... Put his hand to dab you up, fist bump and hurriedly walk away without waiting for an answer.. Even he doesn't know where that came from. He doesn't 'dab up' ANYONE, let alone someone he is interested in romantically.. Truly a confused mess of a person. Trust me, you do NOT see him for the rest of the day all the way up to the time he stalk waits for you at your front door during the unspecified time. Just showing up anytime he feels like it and taking you for a date will surely become a tradition.

[luckykiwiii101]

Omg omg Kiwi!!!

So I have been persisting with your challenge for about 3 days now (I was late to join lol) and I made it into the void for a couple seconds last night before I got scared and left. I wanted to share this with you so that other people can have hope. AND I did this through hard circumstances!

Also TW d3ath, c4nc3r, d1v0rc3.

.

.

So, ever since I started affirming that I was “in control of my reality” and that “I am a master at the void state” I noticed that the 3D started to test how persistent I am. Maybe I had a subconscious belief that the 3D would test me, but I chose to persist.

In the 3D: My parents have been divorced for two years and now always fight with each other. This weekend, my dad told us he wants to date the person he cheated on my mom with. And one of my grandparents got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer yesterday.

Now, I was still sad about my circumstances, I still cried about it. However, as soon as I was done letting myself feel my feelings, I went straight back to affirming.

I affirmed robotically. I didn’t do it continuously because I get migraines easily, but I would remember to do it whenever I had thoughts I needed to flip.

Ex: My life sucks —> I am living my desired life

I even visualized my desired life to distract myself from the 3D. Because as Kiwi says, the 4D (your imagination) is what creates reality. So, call me cruel, but when I found out about the diagnosis I did not cry. I was absent minded because I knew that it would change in an instant if I wanted it to.

My (short) void experience

Last night I went to bed and ngl I forgot to affirm before sleeping 💀. Buttt I woke up sometime later and I noticed my room looked a little weird and that’s when I knew that I was lucid dreaming. I had never lucid dreamed before, so I was shocked how real everything felt. The only thing that I noticed that made me realize was the fact that I had 6 fingers. I automatically started saying “I am in the void” and then I felt my consciousness start to float out of my body. And then for like 2 seconds it was pitch black and I couldn’t hear anything but my own voice in my head. But I got scared and left right away. I awoke back into the lucid dream and then awoke in this reality.

I’m definitely going to enter again! And Kiwi, I wanna thank you so much for this challenge, without it I would have probably been stuck in a cycle of doubt and laziness forever. Btw I love your blog 💗

TL;DR: Circumstances don’t matter, only the 4D matters. Robotic affirming is key.

THIS IS AMAZING!!!!

I’m sorry for your hard circumstances but the way you carry yourself so confidently around them is amazing!!! You’re not cruel for not crying, you’re just stepping into your own power and acknowledging that you can bend anything to your will at any instant!

Can’t wait to hear your success story!!💗

[suuuupernovaaa]

tìsraw seyki

tìsraw seyki [tɪ.ˈsɾaw sɛj.ˈk·i] vtr. hurt (someone or something)

Anonymous Request: I was wondering if you could do a fic with reader and Neteyam having an argument with Neteyam calling the reader clingy? She’s known for being quiet and reserved and was shy at the start of their relationship, and it took a while for her to open up, so it hits her pretty hard. They make up and stuff but reader keeps her distance bcos she took his comment seriously, and Neteyam isn’t aware of how much his words hurt her.

1,560 words

I dismounted 'Rrta, my Iran, and gave her a loving hug before ensuring the saddle was tight and bidding her a farewell for now.

My riding partner, Neteyam, was already walking away when I turned to join him.

"Wait up," I called, scaling rocks to reach him. I reached out, grabbing his shoulder, but for the first time since I'd known him, Neteyam shrugged off my hand.

I stopped in my tracks, and felt my body tense all over.

"Neteyam?" I asked.

"I need a little space, Y/N. Stop clinging to me. I'll see you later."

He didn't even do me the courtesy of turning around when he said it. He simply stalked away, down the mountain and into the forest, leaving me there alone.

I waited for a long time before moving, to ensure I wouldn't catch up with him, and all the while I wondered what I could have possibly done wrong.

Stop clinging to me.

Was that something I was doing? Neteyam and I spent a lot of our time together, that was to be sure... but I thought he enjoyed spending time with me. In fact, he had taken great pains to ensure I thought that. I was naturally pretty reserved, and not very trusting, and Neteyam had worked hard over months and months to convince me his feelings were genuine, to show me how much he cared for me.

So why this change now? What had changed his mind about me? Had he just gotten to know me better and realized I was annoying, clingy, and not fun to be around?

He could have at least told me that.

It was nearly dark when I returned home, and tucked myself in my hammock to cry myself to sleep.

--

Neteyam found me the next morning, setting out for a hunt, by myself.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

I raised my brow at him. "Hunt. See you later."

Turning, I strapped my bow over my chest, and made to take off, but Neteyam grabbed my arm.

"I'm sorry, about yesterday. I was annoyed at Lo'ak and I took it out on you. I shouldn't have done that."

He seemed genuine, and he looked sorry... so I nodded. "It's okay. I'll see you later."

His apology was not enough to cover the damage that his words the day before had done. I didn't believe him - if he was annoyed at Lo'ak, there was no need to ask me for space or call me clingy. It felt like an excuse, and I wasn't ready to dig deeper and hear the real reason he'd said it.

So, I turned and ran, and he didn't follow.

--

"She's just been... weird," Neteyam said to his sister, Kiri, a few days later. The two were walking together, back from a long ride, and Neteyam was concerned.

Ever since their fight, which Neteyam had thought was so small, Y/N had been distant with him. She had accepted his apology, but he'd hardly seen her since, and when he had, something had seemed so strange about her.

She barely touched him. Her smile didn't meet her eyes. She just seemed... really sad.

"Has she said anything to you?"

Kiri shook her head. "Didn't you say you had a fight?"

"Yeah, but, I thought we got past it." Neteyam pushed a large leaf out of his way, and held it for his sister. "I said I was sorry, and she said it was okay."

"What was the fight?" Kiri asked.

"Well, you remember that day that Lo'ak was a huge pain in the ass?"

Kiri rolled her eyes. "Every day."

Neteyam laughed. "Right but, it was particularly bad, and I got my ass chewed for it. And then Y/N wanted to go on a ride but, I just wasn't in the mood. She insisted though, because we hadn't seen each other all day. So I went but, afterwards, I told her I wanted to be alone."

Kiri pursed her lips as they walked through the muggy jungle. "Is that all you said?"

"I said she had been clinging to me."

Kiri stopped in her tracks. "You did not."

"What? Was that bad?"

Kiri put her face in her hands and sighed. "Neteyam, you moron. Do you really not see what the problem is?"

Arms outstretched, Neteyam shook his head. "No!"

"You moron!" Kiri repeated. "Y/N is so shy, and so quiet, and it took you so long to get her to open up to you! You complained for months about how she probably didn't like you because she was so nervous and shy, and I told you so many times she was just having a hard time trusting you. And you finally get her to trust you, and you do this? You make her think that you think she's annoying?"

Neteyam's mouth full open and he leaned back, the realization washing over him. "Shit."

"So she probably thinks you don't like her anymore, and she's so hurt she can't even be around you. And you're here complaining to me about it instead of groveling at her feet! Do you love her or not?"

Neteyam felt like a hand was squeezing his heart. He had never loved anyone the way he loved Y/N, and he couldn't believe how stupid and careless his words had been. He didn't think she was clingy, he had just lashed out in frustration after a really bad day, instead of letting her be there for him.

He had shown her what a bad made he would be. He had disappointed her, and himself.

He took off without another word, running as fast as he could to find his woman.

--

It had been such a hot day, a swim in a cool spring was exactly what I needed. I scrubbed myself from head to toe, undoing my braids and scrubbing my scalp, until I felt fresh and brand new.

I lay in the water now, only my face above the surface, so I didn't hear him at first when he approached.

He was entering the water when I opened my eyes and saw him. A few days ago, I would have felt nothing but excitement upon seeing Neteyam - now, I felt dread. Would this be the time he would tell me he was no longer interested?

I'd been avoiding him for this very reason. I wasn't ready for it to end.

"Neteyam," I said, sitting up so the water came almost to my shoulders, and pulled my knees to my chest.

"Y/N! I have been searching for hours. We need to talk."

I bit my lip and turned away, trying to force the tears from spilling over. "Okay."

Neteyam knelt in front of me. "I owe you an apology, Y/N. I can't... I can't believe how careless I was with my words, and I can't believe I didn't realize how much I'd hurt you until today. I've been wondering why you've been distant but, I didn't even think..." He shook his head, and reached under the water, grabbing my hands. "I should have thought before I spoke. Y/N, I don't think you cling to me... well, you do, but it's something that I like. These past few days without you have been the worst of my life. I'd rather be tortured. I was in a bad mood, and it wasn't your fault, but I took it out on you. I know I destroyed the trust we worked so hard together to build up. I'm willing to do all that work again, to show you how much I love you."

I had failed - the tears had spilled over, but they weren't born of sadness. I leaned forward and got up onto my knees, so that I was more level with Neteyam, and pressed my head into his chest.

Without hesitation, he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close to him, creating a ripple of waves around us.

The relief I felt was overwhelming. Going from being so sure I was going to lose the best thing in my life to even more sure I was going to get to keep it, it was like whiplash.

I cried and Neteyam held me tightly while I did, whispering reassurances in my ear all the while.

Eventually, we stood up and got out of the water, and Neteyam helped me get dressed.

"Neteyam," I said as he fastened my beaded necklace, "I forgive you. And I'm sorry, too. I should have told you what was bothering me, but I was so scared that you had changed your mind, I was just, um, avoiding you so you couldn't break up with me."

Neteyam shook his head violently. "Bah! Never." He took my face gently into his hands, bringing it closely to his. "You are to be my mate, Y/N. I will never leave you. You can always trust me, and you can always tell me when I've hurt you. Apparently, I'm too dumb to figure it out alone."

I smiled. "Kiri had to tell you?"

He laughed. "She did."

He kissed me then, holding me tight. It seemed we both owed Kiri a thank you. I knew it wasn't the first time she had talked sense into one of her brothers, nor would it be the last.

[onlyhaos]

I need the longer version of it please I think you know what I'm talking about I'm begging you 🙏🏻😭

this is pt. 2 from this fic!!

pairing: seungcheol x afab!reader

genre: angst, fluff

warnings: small mention about alcohol, the day after the fight

[a/n] It’s crappy and def not proofread (😭😭) I’m so sorry, but here you go!! (And thank you, you’re my first ask🥹🥹💞)

You wake up, not feeling relaxed at all.

Your head was still buzzing, just worse than last night. You let your head fall down again, but your head fell into a.. pillow?

Looking around the room, you noticed that you weren’t on the couch or in the living room anymore. You were in your bedroom, under your familiar sheets.

With a swift movement of your head, you immediately looked to your left, in hope for Seungcheol to be in bed.

But he wasn’t.

Memories of yesterday evening and night crossed your mind again.

Closing your eyes and turning your face into a soft frown, you began to bury your head into your hands.

Confusion about how you got into your bed quickly disappeared, because you were telling yourself that you probably went to bed, and you’re just not able to recall it.

Wanting to pick up your phone, you realized that it wasn’t on the nightstand.

So you got out of bed, putting on your slippers and going to the living room to get it. Until there laid a well-known someone.

“Cheol..?”

No response. Was he still sleeping? You tip toed closer to the couch, seeing your boyfriend’s eyes closed. His beautiful lips slightly parted as his breathing was a steady rhythm.

Quickly grabbing your phone, you went back to your shared bedroom. Leaving Seungcheol, still sleeping, on the couch.

You cuddled back into the sheets, fishing for the charger, that was always under your pillow whenever you didn’t load it. And when you began loading your phone, your lock screen lit up.

There was the message that you didn’t get, anymore, after you fell asleep.

Cheollie 🎀🍒

[…]

I love you, Y/n.

That last sentence was all you focused on, and also the sentence that quickly brought tears to your eyes again.

Opening your message app, you read the rest.

Cheollie 🎀🍒

I'll be back tomorrow, when we're both a bit more composed. We'll talk about every single thing, that made us come to thinking that breaking up would be a good idea.

Because I won't and I don't want to let you go that easily.

Tomorrow we'll decide how things will be in the future. If we'll still have one.

I love you, Y/n.

More tears stumbled out of your eyes. And before you could even notice, you began to sob.

Which, eventually, woke up Seungcheol. You didn’t know he woke up, though.

But when you heard the bedroom door opening you found out.

“Cheol.” You sobbed out, not able to keep it in anymore.

And your boyfriend couldn’t see that sad face of yours, so he went over to the bed and pulled you into a much needed hug.

Not able to stop the crying, you buried your face into his chest.

“I missed you — I shouldn’t have said that. I just felt so lost at that moment and didn’t think properly.”

That’s what you originally said, but it only came out in slurs and gasps for air, from crying that much.

Seungcheol quickly shushed you.

“Be quiet, baby, just cry it all out. We’ll properly talk after that.” He comforted, kissing your forehead.

Soft strokes through your hair, and on your cheek, calmed you down. Only the smallest tears escaping you, as your eyes met his.

“Y/n, love, I never want to see you like this. Especially not when I see that our fights end with you blacked out on the couch from my whiskey.”

He spoke, the smallest smile on his lips, as he wiped away any remaining tears.

With a small sniffle, you smiled, too.

“How are you feeling, baby?” Seungcheol asked you.

Looking into his eyes, you mumbled, “My head’s buzzing. I think I’ve got a hangover.”

Seungcheol recommended making you a soup, to feel better and more comfortable. To which you agreed, almost immediately.

So when your boyfriend made you sit on one of the stools in your kitchen, he prepared your favorite soup as hangover soup.

Talking about all the things from yesterday and clearing any misunderstandings, finding solutions for possible next times, both of you still shed a tear.

But that was nothing that a hug couldn’t fix now.

With a full stomach from eating your favorite soup, Seungcheol and you now had the time to comfortably cuddle on the couch.

With a random movie playing in the background. (Which obviously was ignored) You both made up for the time, that was not able to be shared yesterday.

“I love you, Cheol.”

“I love you, too, baby.” Was his response, smothering you with loving kisses.

[atinyniki]

stay with me...

group: stray kids !

pairing: idol!lee felix x f!reader

genre: angst with an angsty ending, fluff at the beginning

warnings + additional info: pt 2 of “instant ramen”!, reader is referred to as y/n, established relationships, felix is referred to as lix, and lixie, petnames, pregnancy, miscarriage, post-loss depression, crying, vomiting, death.

authors note: all i can say is sorry. i dont know why exactly i thought of this but im planning on making a pt 3. hopefully this doesnt break your heart :( ending was a bit rushed bc i didnt feel like crying anymore :( this is also not proofread. english is not my first language, so please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors. happy reading :)

wc: 2407

(pt. 1) || (pt. 3)

HUGE TW, PROCEED WITH CAUTION: miscarriage, pregnancy, blood, and the pain that goes along with it.

“lixieee im home!”

you came home with such a big smile on your face. you were a little grumpy about work, your mood swings not making things any better, and you felt a little sick. nonetheless, you were still excited to come home to your boyfriend.

“hey pretty! i’m making some brownies, just give me a bit yeah? they’ll be done in 20”

you walk over to him, giving him a quick peck on the cheek and thanking him before leaving to your room to go shower. 

throwing off your clothes, you enter the shower rather quickly, hoping that it will refresh you enough. you run the vanilla shampoo through your hair, the feeling of the bubbles running down your back relaxing you. 

all of a sudden, the scent of vanilla hits your nose, an uneasy feeling washing over you. you finish your shower as fast as you can, putting on your clothes and then rushing out the bathroom. maybe you were just hungry?

“hey lix”, you said with a weak smile, sitting down at the table where he was waiting with leftovers from yesterday and his brownies. 

“hey angel, you hungry now?”

“mhm…”

he dumps the food out onto your plates, but you grab a brownie before even looking at the food. felix’s brownies could never get old. you take a bite, the warm fudge practically melting in your mouth.

you enjoyed the brownie, and felix began to pick one up, when suddenly your eyes went wide. the same terrible feeling was back, except stronger now. you tried to fight it by swallowing the part of the brownie that was already in your mouth.

the feeling didn’t leave, and you found yourself scrambling to your feet to stand up. “baby… what’s wrong?”

you couldn’t answer, afraid that the bits of your brownie would end up on him, and instead ran to the kitchen sink. felix made sure to follow behind just as fast. the second you got to the sink, you were letting go. 

felix watched as you vomited out the brownie and the rest of the food you had today, quickly grabbing your hair so it wouldn’t get in the way. his other hand ran soothing circles around your back, hoping to calm you down.

you threw up with such force that bile shot out your nose, felix now becoming even more concerned. once you’ve calmed down and washed your face, felix finally speaks up. “let’s get you to bed baby.”, he sighs lightly.

he quickly picks you up bridal style, setting you down on your bed carefully. you let out a little whine when felix left, but quickly returned with an emergency bucket. “just in case”, he said with a sweet smile.

he brought the hair dryer from the bathroom, not wanting you to get sick from the cold, and quickly blow dried your hair. he didnt work on styling it, wanting you to get rest as soon as possible.

he quickly runs to grab you a jug of warm water to place on your tummy. you loved that he was so attentive to you, especially on days he was back at home. “i love you lix. i’m sorry for what happened”

“it’s not like you could control it dummy, go to sleep now. i love you”

that morning, felix woke up to an empty bed. the bucket next to you was filled to the brim with bile, felix instantly darting to the bathroom. his heart broke seeing you on the floor, vomiting into the toilet as you shook violently.

he quickly held your hair back again, rubbing the soft part of your tummy to soothe it. “baby what’s going on? did you eat something?”

you shook your head, not trusting your own words in case vomit came out instead. you’re tired, completely worn out. it feels like all the energy in your body has just left you. 

suddenly, a wave of realization comes over you, and you begin to panic. you’re constantly vomiting. you have terrible mood swings. you didn’t get your period. everything lines up perfectly.

your breaths become labored, soon becoming large gasps for breath. “felix- i…”

he begins to become extremely worried. “what baby? what’s wrong?”

“i…”; you can’t go on. you’re exhausted. it’s the last thing you remember saying before you black out, almost falling into the toilet if felix weren’t holding you back right now. 

“shit- y/n? stay with me okay? i’m calling an ambulance.” 

felix struggled to stay calm, tears running down his face as he tried to stop his voice from quivering. “my girlfriend, she needs help. she’s been vomiting like crazy and- she’s passed out right now”, he said it so fast the dispatcher almost couldn’t understand him.

the ambulance was at your house within minutes, felix holding you in his arms again while he waited. he could still feel your breath fanning over his neck, a sense of comfort washing over him. quickly, you guys took off to the hospital.

“felix?” 

“oh god baby! you’re awake? are you feeling okay?”

your head hurt a little, and you were incredibly confused, but you decided to tell him anyways. it was probably important. “my head hurts a little bit, but that’s okay” 

he holds your hand, clutching tightly, afraid there’s actually something wrong.

the doctor opens the door, sitting on one of the chairs next to where all the machines are hooked up. “okay so, we’ve figured out why you’ve been vomiting so much.”, she pauses.

felix is practically squirming in his seat, afraid for the words about to come out of her mouth. “congratulations, you’re pregnant.”

all of a sudden, his hand lets go, instead using it to slap it over his mouth to conceal his squeals. you jerk your head towards him, afraid of his reaction until you see the tears in his eyes and his bright smile.

you smile back, turning to the doctor who hands you a paper with an article about pregnancy and the symptoms that go along with it. “thank you so much”

“of course, the release forms are at the front desk. call if you need anything. once again, congratulations you two”, she says with a smile.

once she leaves, felix couldn’t hold back, kissing your face practically everywhere. “oh my gosh! y/n!”

you couldn’t help but laugh at his excitement. you were so happy he wasn’t upset or anything. you’ve been wanting to start a family with him for as long as you could remember, but you’re not even married yet. 

suddenly, your thoughts hit you like a boulder. “felix… what about the media. what do we tell everyone” 

he paused for a moment, he didn’t even think about that aspect of it. “i’ll call them. i’ll call management. if they say it’s not acceptable then fuck it. i’ll quit my job. don’t worry about them, please?”

you smile at felix’s dedication for you. you knew he was going to be such an amazing father.

“wait seriously?! she’s pregnant?”, changbin giggled excitedly.

“seriously. she’s pregnant!”

felix is at the dorms right now with the boys, and he couldn’t be any happier telling them about it. management was very happy for him and understanding of his situation, but he didn’t want to release it to the media just yet.

it’s nearing your third month now, your exhaustion becoming more unbearable by the second. you believed you could push through it though, waiting patiently for felix on the bed.

felix makes it home that night in an exceptionally happy mood. he smothers your face in millions of kisses, holding your hands tight and giggling into your neck. “i love you so much. i can’t wait for our little sprout”

it was difficult to keep his excitement contained around you, but he knew he didn’t have to. you are just as excited as he is.

you slice open the cake, a myriad of pink candies falling out the center. you were so excited to have your baby girl, you could already predict how well she and felix would get along.

“see?! she’s a girl. i knew it.”, seungmin said smugly.

“shut up, we get it. you were the only one that predicted she’s a girl anyways”, jisung replies, jokingly aggrivated.

“yeah, meaning i’m also the only one that was right”, he retorts with a wink.

jisung rolls his eyes, moving to you to give you a hug. it felt awkward hugging all the boys with a baby bump in the way, but it wasn’t all that big yet, so it wasn’t too bad. you continued having fun at the party, singing with the boys the entire time.

you’re so happy your girl is being born into such a good world. you’re lucky all the boys love you so much, you know they’ll all be amazing to your little sprout.

minho looked at you with an incredulous look on his face. “so you want me to make you tteokbokki, but instead of gochujang you want me to use… nutella?”

“i told you man, her pregnancy cravings are fucking crazy”, felix chimes in.

you quickly nod at minho, who instantly gets up to prepare it for you. there’s not a lot that minho wouldn’t do for you or your daughter, considering the fact that you’re best friends already. 

“so did you just call me here to cook because felix sucks at anything without a recipe?”

“for the most part yeah”, you let out a giggle. felix walks over to you, kissing you again and peppering them all over your face. a particularly loud groan leaves his lips, and minho jerks his head towards you both.

felix gets off you not too long after, but only to wrap you in a hug from behind, holding your bump up to ease the weight of her. minho visibly gagged at the sight of you two, “okay can you guys stop making out and actually talk to me now? i don’t feel like third wheeling”, he joked.

all three of you began to laugh, you were so excited to start this new chapter with felix.

fuck. what is happening? why does your heart feel so heavy? why do you feel so uneasy. maybe you’re just upset, you’re fine right? you sit on the bed, watching some edits of felix- your guilty pleasure.

all of a sudden, a sharp pain hits your gut. you groan out in pain, tears flooding your eyes. you begin to get up, trying your best to make it to the bathroom. you’re suddenly throwing up again, and you didn’t think anything of it since it was pretty normal. 

once you clean yourself up a little, you make your way back to the bed. the sharp pain hit you again, this time making you sink to the floor as you clutch your stomach. “fuck…” 

the feeling in between your thighs becomes uneasy, becoming excruciatingly painful. you feel something dripping down your thighs, taking a quick look at it. there’s a pool of blood dripping down onto the hardwood floor, when the pain comes back.

the tears leave your eyes in heavy sobs. you can’t pick yourself back up, the pain becoming unbearable. you’re too weak to make it anywhere, so you try to scream.

you attempts fail, crawling to the bed to grab your phone. you didn’t make it in time. your body gave out on you, blood pouring out from you. you didn’t want to die. you just wanted your sprout. why did this is have to happen?

“y/nnie! i’m home!”

your head jerked up in the direction of the door. you let out a guttural scream. “felix… h-help… please…”

your voice got weaker, not even being able to find the strength to talk. felix rushes to your room, and the world around him stopped. his heart shattered in his chest, immediately calling an ambulance.

“baby… no! stay with me… please. deep breaths okay? you’ll be okay.”

he listened to the dispatcher for instructions on how to help, your eyes slowly fluttering shut. you’re too weak to carry on.

you woke up in the hospital, your baby bump suddenly gone. you touched around your tummy, looking for your little sprout. you noticed felix right next to you, eyes red and incessant tears pouring down his face.

he’s trembling as he grabs your hand, running his thumb over your knuckles. “if i had just gotten there sooner-“

“no felix i… im so sorry. i failed you… i failed our sprout.”, loud sobs filled the room, not being able to contain your emotions anymore. you had lost her for good. she was gone. 

“it’s… not your fault. rest now okay? you lost a lot of blood. we can talk in the morning” 

he gave you a quick kiss to your forehead, and you shut your eyes. the sleep never came.

you and felix are in bed again, just like you always were. but things were different now. everything felt empty, depressing. you felt empty. you didn’t have your sprout with you.

felix asked to go on hiatus now, wanting to be there for you in every moment. he became hyper-attentive towards you, scared that you might go down a bad path.

the miscarriage took a toll on him just as much as it did you, except you were focusing on the physical parts more. felix watched at night as you stared at your own bare breasts after a shower, producing milk for a baby that wasn’t even growing inside of you anymore. you ran your fingers along your many stretch marks, the skin on your tummy becoming flabby and soft. 

you felt ugly. felix was still there to reassure you through everything, but you didn’t know what to do. you blankly stare at your messages from time to time, getting many from your family, close friends and the boys, checking up on you frequently.

felix doesn't know what to do anymore. he doesn't know if he can live with the pain, knowing what could’ve been. it hurts you even more to see felix like this. the sunshine in him has been dulled out, the only thing left are his eyes, swirling with only pain now. 

the guiltiness overtook you most nights, felix holding you tight as you both cried again and again. you haven’t slept properly since it happened. seven fucking months.

so close, yet so far.

</3

[wolfoftheblackflames]

Heya Misfits! I've decided to write a quickie for ya. It just clicked in my mind, and I'm recovering from a cold, so what better way to get my creative juices flowing than with some fluffy cuteness.

Body Swap, Chaggie Style:

Charlie and Vaggie have a massive fight, Lucifer wanted the girls to stop fighting, so he shoots them with magic like a kid yelling at his friends and yelling, "Stop fighting!"

It was the start of a sad morning. A huge fight between Charlie and Vaggie caused the two to sleep in different rooms, making the others worried. Lucifer, being the sweet dad he is, decided to do some magic to ‘help’ the girls make up.

“Hmm?” Charlie awoke feeling heavier than normal. She dragged her figure out of bed only to go face first into the carpet. “Ow!” She groaned, rubbing her nose, but blinked, feeling a more angular nose than her usual black button nose. The princess started to panic and went to the bathroom mirror. “WHAT IN SATAN?!”

On the other end, Vaggie grumbled, sitting up rubbing her eyes, but when she opened them, she blinked. “What?” She could see out of both. However, that wasn't the only thing. She felt heat surging through her body, plus she felt something weird with her feet. “Aye meirda?!” She gasped once she moved the covers and saw red hooves.

Both girls stared at the mirrors, each seeing the other, Charlie saw Vaggie looking tired, as she saw the dark circles under her girl's lone eye. While Vaggie saw those beautiful ruby eyes puffy and swollen with the latter not bothering with switching to her red pajamas.

The fight played on in their minds, Vaggie had spiraled again with her self worth issues as yesterday had been particularly bad, and Charlie was too busy planning for the new hotel to recognize her girlfriend needed her.

Charlie felt the phantom pains act up and blinked wincing. “Fuck…” Her body trembled. “Oh Vaggie, why did I ignore you when you were in this much pain? Then again you always did know how to hide it..” She sighed lightly stroking the old scarring where Vaggie's eye used to be.

Vaggie in Charlie's body felt the stress and massive flux of emotions the princess had to deal with, plus the ever present demonic form that ached to come out, which red horns and a tail did peek through. “Charlie..” Vaggie sighed though blinked seeing the massive scribble pile on Charlie's desk. Carefully as to not burn any she peered over and stared. Surely enough it was so many apology notes with tear stains, drawn in many colors. Vaggie smiled a little, however her eyes widened seeing something under the notes, a small box labeled ‘For Vaggie, with love Charlie.’

“Better not, I can't seem to control what I set on fire..” Vaggie sighed with another fire coming onto the couch this time. “Shit!”

However when she was extinguishing said fire, she saw her own body come into view. “Oh uh hi..” Vaggie blinked, looking a little messy.

What happened next was Charlie tackling Vaggie and hugging her tight, and sure enough she looked like a cute crying mess. “I'm so sorry!” It was weird hearing her own voice as Vaggie blinked realizing how small she must look to Charlie.

It felt weird, yet Vaggie couldn't stop a demonic purr from escaping. “I'm sorry too hon..” She had to bend down to hold Charlie close.

The two stayed close to one another until another fire occurred on the carpet which made Charlie giggle. “Can't handle my pyrokinesis yet huh?” She asked as Vaggie grumbled. “Deep breaths, like this.” She smiled, showing Vaggie how to control the magic and the demon.

After a couple of deep breaths, Vaggie managed to stop setting things on fire for now. “And uh, how do you put these away?” She asked, pointing to the horns and tail.

“Hmm?” Charlie blinked though her wings popped out seeing the form. “Huh?!”

This got a flustered groan from Vaggie as she hid her face. Though this made Charlie give a devilish smirk. “Before you say anything babe, yes I do think your demon form is hot okay?”

“It is weird to see myself like this, but I will say, I do look pretty hot.” Charlie giggled again. “But since you're in my body Vaggie, can you see how I view you?” She asked though she struggled to fold in the wings.

Vaggie blinked but smiled softly. “I do hermosa..” She replied feeling the rampant emotions grow calmer. Though her expression grew sad, she was about to speak when Charlie placed a finger on her lips.

“Don't be sorry ok? If anything, this little experience has helped me understand you a little more even though I thought I knew everything.” Charlie grinned despite the trembling.

Vaggie looked at her hand and flexed her fingers. “I see what you mean sweetie, but here let me help you with my wings.” She smiled moving behind Charlie who blinked curiously. “Give them a stretch. Like imagine another set of arms on your back.”

Charlie nodded and did so, she smiled, able to move them a bit better, though couldn't help but flap. “These feel so weird but also very strong..” She grinned, turning around and wrapping both her and Vaggie in a cute wing cocoon.

Vaggie felt that black tail with a red heart in the middle of its tip slink over and wrap around Charlie. “Shit, your tail has a mind of its own!”

“Sorry about that, it's just you're like my rock Vaggie, you keep me grounded when I often get swept up in my own little world..” Charlie admitted though smirked as she lightly traced the tail. “I can see why you do this, it's fun seeing me get flustered huh?” She added being cheeky.

Vaggie grumbled feeling the shiver and blush. “I'll admit yes it is, but hon you haven't told me what you see from my view.” She answered changing the subject.

“Oh right, sorry.” Charlie giggled but blew at the bangs in her face. Getting the ok, Charlie closed her eyes in deep thought, she saw the darker thoughts of the self-hate, the guilt, and the need to be useful to Charlie. It hurt seeing this but Charlie opened the lone eye and looked at Vaggie with a loving gaze.

“You ain't alone in the self hate Vaggie.” She took hold of those hands. “But you're more than what you were back then, what I see now love, is someone who gets giddy over new weapons, loves tacos, can bark orders like a sexy drill sergeant, and most of all, I see someone who cares deeply for me and for everyone in the hotel, a kind yet stern person. Seriously meeting you was the best thing that's happened in my life.” She grinned though blinked, feeling teary eyed again.

Vaggie just stared but couldn't help it and grabbed Charlie holding her close in a big hug, nuzzling deep into her neck. “Oh Charlie…” Her voice came out cracking as she just sniffled.

However magic surged as the two switched back, making both let go and blink. “Huh..”

However the girls giggled and cuddled again enjoying the new found appreciation for one another. Vaggie felt those loving hands gently massage her back when the wings were tucked back in. “Hey, I know you're strong, but whenever these flare up, please don't hide it from me..” Charlie spoke softly, her natural tone being music to Vaggie's ears.

“If that's the case, please don't try and do everything alone hon, I'm the hotel manager for a reason you know.” The smaller woman replied, moving back to look up at those ruby eyes. “I support you with everything you do, but I can't help you if I don't know what's going on babe.”

“I know. Also sorry about your nose, I uh fell onto the carpet..” Charlie gave a sheepish grin though left a gentle peck on said nose.

Vaggie smiled softly. “Well I'm sorry about setting fire to our room, and… Seeing that little box.” She replied as Charlie gasped. “No, I didn't look inside.” The angel added, making Charlie sigh in relief.

“Good cause, it is a surprise..”

“Well can I see it now?”

Charlie beamed and nodded, poofing the box into her hands. “I took up a little hobby kinda like dad did, but I'm not very good, so..” She rambled, blushing.

Vaggie blinked but opened the box. To her surprise, it was the cutest little dark grey leather pouch with wings carved into the flap. The stitches looked a little crude, but it added a handmade charm to it. “You made this..?” She looked surprised, holding it.

“Yeah… It started out as a way to keep my hands busy since I kept digging my nails into my palm..” Charlie started to ramble as she giggled. “Next thing I know, I was having fun and making things. To which my dad kept snatching up for himself because he's weird like that.”

Vaggie planted a soft kiss on those lips to show her appreciation. “It's beautiful, hon, thank you..” The kiss made Charlie flutter, and she gave a love struck gaze.

The princess smirked and started to spoil Vaggie some more as things started to lead to the two getting hot and heavy. The hotel was fine. Sure, they can get in a fun love making session, right? After all, make-up sex is the best part of making up with your lover. Plus, Charlie wanted nothing more than to get her hands on her gorgeous girlfriend, and Vaggie couldn't help but indulge her since she craved that loving touch.

Thus the day went by in the new hotel, love was in the air once more as downstairs, Lucifer looked quite pleased with himself even if the spell was kinda a spur of the moment to get the girls to stop fighting. Though in his room, when he went to his closet, all the cute little leather objects Charlie made had come piling out, burying his royal ass alongside his massive rubber duck collection.

[kaytheday]

The Weight of the Eldest Brother

Hello! This is my submission for Day 4 of @outsidersweek

This submission is pretty long. I know that today has been a difficult day for everyone (which is probably why this fic is so long 😭), if anyone needs someone to talk to or vent to, just PM me! I am here for anyone who needs it. More under the cut!

On the rare occasions that Darry Curtis Jr. got nervous, he would feel irritable. Sweating incessantly as his fuse was cut short. He knew that a nervous Ponyboy would start shaking, going pale and sometimes even throwing up. Ponyboy had confessed that the few track meets that college scouts had stopped by to watch, he’d been so nervous he’d thrown up. Soda would turn into a firecracker, unpredictable and unable to concentrate, sleep, or even sit still for more than a few seconds. His restlessness would only grow as the nerves ate at him. 

Now, Darry sat completely still on that hospital bench. He was sweating and staring at the floor and feeling like he might throw up. He was nervous. That’s what he assumed this feeling was anyway.

This felt worse than the time with his parents. Somehow, this was ten thousand times worse. He didn’t know what he would do if-

“Mr. Curtis?” He turned to find the coroner looking at him expectantly. “Are you ready to go down?” 

Soda had been missing for upwards of three days. It wasn’t unusual for him to disappear for small stretches of time, it wasn’t like he lived at home anyway. But he usually found Ponyboy or Steve and went to hunt down some action. Neither of them had seen him since the fight. 

Darry and him had gotten into a terrible fight. The kind of fight that no longer becomes about what you were first fighting about, instead becoming a contest of who can say the nastiest thing. 

So Soda had stormed out. 

And Darry doesn’t even remember what it is that he said. He said a lot of terrible things that night, any one of them could have been the reason Soda stormed out. But he doesn’t remember. And now it might be the last thing he ever said to his brother. And he doesn’t even remember it. What an asshole. 

There in the hospital's ground floor, Darry just gulps and gives the Coroner a nod. Standing on shaky legs and following him to the hospital morgue… the same one where his brother might be lying. 

“Are you feeling alright Mr. Curtis?” Darry jumps a little, of course he’s not feeling alright. The last time he was here it was to identify two different members of the Curtis family.

It seemed like a lifetime ago but he still remembers it like it was yesterday. Their bodies were still fresh from the crash. Mottled and bloody but despite the disfiguration, Darry knew it was them. It just reminded him of something that his Momma used to say to him when he was little and wanted to help hold Ponyboy. 

“How come he only stops crying when you hold him?”

“Ponyboy loves you very much but sometimes babies just want their momma. A baby will always know his momma.” 

His mothers words certainly rang true on that terrible night. Even in death his mother was very beautiful. She would have been glad that her baby boy always knew his momma… even in death. 

He’d hoped that would be the last time he would ever receive a call from the coroner's office.

Luckily, it was his day off and even more luckily, he was the only one home. 

“Hello Mr. Curtis, this is Jeff Alberts. I am a chief coroner with St. Francis hospital, I may have some very bad news regarding your brother…” That was all Darry heard before his world shattered into a million pieces. 

Somehow this was worse. He thought the universe would have cut them a break by now, but this was worse. This was worse than his parents, worse than Johnny and Dally, worse than that damned draft letter that started this whole mess in the first place. 

“I feel fine.” Darry told the coroner. “Just a little lightheaded.” He doesn't know what it was in him that told the coroner that. Probably the fact that this coroner seemed like a real adult and Darry felt like the same scared little kid that had to identify their parents' disfigured bodies with his little brothers at home. Darry was still that same scared kid that stepped up to raise his two little brothers all while simultaneously messing things up even more. 

He didn’t have time to think about Ponyboy right now. He couldn’t imagine what Ponyboy would do if the body he found in the morgue was-

“I know these situations are very difficult, do you need to sit down for a minute? I can grab you some water if you’d like.” 

“No, I’m okay.” 

“Okay.” They went down a few more stairs. “The man we received in the morgue came in with a stab wound among other lacerations…” With each word Darry felt himself getting sicker. He needed to throw up or punch something or maybe both. “...also found various evidence that he may have been on drugs or with someone who was using.” Then the coroner launched into an explanation of the man’s physical description, a lot of which matched Soda exactly. 

Stay standing. Darry told himself. You can’t stop now. It was the same stuff he had told himself the first time he had come here. It was awful when his parents were killed. Darry had felt worse than he’d ever felt before. Beyond terrible, Ponyboy had been throwing up because of how hard he was crying and Sodapop looked about ready to combust at the way he was moving. But Darry was the one that couldn’t stop, the one that had to pull them together, take charge, and make sure everything was okay. Nobody else was going to do it. 

“Are you ready to go in Mr. Curtis?” Darry took a deep breath, steeling himself for the worst. He could say no, he could tell the coroner that he needed a minute. But it was better that he just do it now. It was better that he just went in immediately. Afterwards he would need to call Ponyboy and tell him that it was Sod-

“Do you need another minute son?” Darry couldn’t breathe. Just breathe. Just calm down. He tried to take another deep breath. “Son?” 

“Okay. Let’s go in.” 

The room smelled the same way that it had when he’d been there the first time. The body was underneath a sheet on a metal table. The table had some flecks of blood on its shiny exterior. Darry went and stood next to the body on one side. 

“I’m going to pull the sheet down now. Is it alright if I do that Mr. Curtis?” Darry bit his lip and nodded. He didn’t really have a choice, he had to know. He had to know so he could figure out a way to pull their family back together again. How would Ponyboy take this? Darry hadn’t even told him about this, Pony was at work anyway. Home from school for the summer but more importantly to see Soda after his tour  in Vietnam. Darry didn’t know what Ponyboy would do if he found out his favorite brother had been killed. Ponyboy had already lost so much. He couldn’t take losing one more. How could Darry take it?

The sheet came down. 

The relief that flooded through him was instant. It had him nearly swaying on his feet, his eyes growing hot and wet as he stared at the body that wasn’t Sodapop. 

He could understand how the coroner thought it was Sodapop, especially considering it was Soda’s wallet they found in his pocket. This guy looked nearly the same, but there were a couple clear differences. This guy's nose had been broken more than once and his hair was longer. Soda had barely had time to grow out his hair since the four months he’d been out of the army.  This guy was also missing the scar that Soda had on his neck from Two-Bit throwing a bottle at him three years ago. 

“Is this your brother, son?” 

It’s not him. It’s not Sodapop. 

“No, it's not him.” The doctor looked skeptical. 

“Are you sure? Sometimes in death our loved ones can-.” 

“I’m sure. It’s not him.” Darry interrupted. This wasn’t like the first time, with his parents. He had known immediately as soon as he’d seen their mangled faces that it was them. This was completely different. 

“Okay.” The doctor said softly, pulling the sheet back over the man's face. “You are free to go Mr. Curtis. Thank you for coming in.” Darry still had Soda’s wallet in his back pocket. He was relieved but still worried. If he wasn’t here, where was he?

Before he knew it Darry was putting a dime in the slot of the hospital payphone. 

“Hello?” Ponyboy.

“Hey kiddo.”

“Hey Darry, what’s going on?” He sounded genuinely confused and maybe a little worried. He had a right to be. Darry didn’t usually leave the house during his days off and then mysteriously call home and not say anything. 

Darry thought about telling him. He thought about telling him everything. The coroner's office, the guy who looked like Sodapop, the pit in his stomach. But he couldn’t tell Ponyboy. He shouldn’t even have to be worrying about Darry in the first place.  

“Just makin’ sure you made it home from work okay.” 

“Sure.” Pony said slowly, still confused. “You okay? Where are you calling from?” Of course the kid would pick up that something was wrong. 

“Just the gas station. I’m headed home in a minute.” 

“Okay, I’ll see you when I get home then.”

“Okay, bye Pone.” 

“Bye Darry.” And just like that the call dropped. At least he had one brother accounted for. 

Darry didn’t even really remember the drive home. He did that sometimes. His head filled with so much worry and stress that he simply went on autopilot, somehow managing to find the way home without crashing the car. Today was no different. 

He could hear the racket before he even stepped through the front door. Ponyboy and Steve were on the floor, a hand of poker set out before them and Soda… Soda?

Soda was home. The same Soda that had come back from Vietnam so different. The same Soda he had fought with and driven out of the house. The same Soda that he had driven to the hospital to identify. The same Soda that was sitting on the couch in front of him, unharmed and not dead in a hospital morgue. 

“...arry?” Ponyboy was looking at him, something like concern written in his eyes. 

“Sodapop?” He asked, completely ignoring Ponyboy for a moment. “Where you been?” 

“Around. Didn’t know if you’d want me back for a while after… that night.” He trailed off, obviously uncomfortable with everyone's eyes on him. 

“You’re always welcome here, no matter what.” Darry said in that no nonsense tone. Darry wiped his hands on his jeans. “You guys start dinner?” He asked, itching to change the subject. 

“I preheated the oven.” 

“Thanks Pone, I’ll finish it.” He felt their eyes on him as he went to the kitchen. Get a grip. He told himself. Of course Soda is fine. He began to slather the thawing chicken in sauce.  He went to get some butter out of the fridge when he nearly ran into Soda. 

“What’s this about?” He asked, running a nervous hand through his hair. 

“What’s what about?” Darry asks, taking some frozen vegetables out of the freezer. 

“You were lookin’ at me like you saw a ghost. That’s gotta be something.” 

“I’m fine, I’m just really glad you’re okay Sodapop.” Soda’s eyebrows scrunch in confusion. 

“Sure, I was only gone a few days. Are you still mad about our fight?” Soda asked.

Darry thought about telling him. He really did. About telling him everything. He thought about telling him that he thought Soda was dead and he was the one to blame. He thought about telling him about the smell and even mom and dad. He thought about yelling his head off that Soda should have called, should have told Darry where he was, that he could have been killed and it would be all Darrys fault. 

After all, Darry hadn’t had anybody to tell for so long.

But he didn’t.

Over the years he had a lot of practice of knowing which things his little brothers needed to know. His little visit to the coroner's office and hospital morgue was not something either of his little brothers needed to know about. 

“No, I’m not mad about that. Not anymore little buddy. Now how about you help me with dinner, huh?” 

“Sure Dar.” Soda says easily, knocking his shoulder against Darrys. “Though we might be having blue chicken.” Darry laughs, thinking about how close he was to thinking Sodapop was dead. How he had felt like this might never happen again. Everything would be fine. Soda was alive and Darry would keep it that way if it killed him. 

[mysticsublimeperson]

<< part 2 >>

Merlin woke up feeling cranky, he didn't exactly sleep. It resembled more to several disgusting and sweaty naps, and a lot of self deprecating introspection in between.

So Merlin decided to stop trying around 10 am, and moved to the sofa. He didn't have anything to do that day, they weren't waiting for him in the lab, nor in the office, they all thought he would have been too hangover. Funny.

He needed to get out, to get coffee, to try and look for a new perspective, or at least a solution, so he got up and dressed and went to open the door.

A sharp thud sounded when something collide to the ground.

"Arthur?"

"Shit, er... Merlin, sorry, good morning?" Arthur was trying to blink away the heaviness.

"Were you sleeping in my hallway?" Merlin was really confused now. Arthur had always been a bit of a prat, and he grew up rich (and still was very rich, even if he denied it) so he was posh. In all the years he knew him, Arthur had never volunteered himself to discomfort, because he could afford not to.

"Yeah, I.. Well, you told me to go, but then I thought that if I went then I would have to come back in a few hours, and well it was really early in the morning, and I didn't bring my car, so I would have to call for a car and then, well come back, and wold spend like a proper half hour just pacing around my flat, just so far away from you... guessed you also wouldn't be answering your phone, so waiting here seemed like the better option. But now that I say it out loud, it sounds kinda stalk-ish" He said sheepishly, his voice was still deep, and slow. Trying to recover from sleep. He stood up, but was supporting in the door frame. "It's just... you seemed really upset. I know I was the reason, but" he gulped "you are always for me when I'm like that..." Merlin sighed.

"Come in" Merlin talked with a controlled voice. He would have wished for a little more time to figure this out, but if he was honest maybe more time would have only made him more paranoid.

"I, er, yeah, thank you" It was extremely strange to hear Arthur so insecure, but Merlin needed to focus on his situation, and not fall into old habits. "How.. How did it go? Yesterday I mean, sorry I didn't ask sooner"

Bad, he wanted to say.

You ruined it, he wanted to shout.

I missed you, he wanted to cry.

"Fine, I guess" he didn't want to offer information, he sat in the sofa again.

Arthur gulped again and put on a tight smile. "I see" sitting beside him.

"And you? How was your dinner?" Merlin suddenly felt tired again, he didn't want to shout, or yell, he didn't want to incriminate or fight, he just wanted this situation to be over. "Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

Arthur opened and closed his mouth several

"Merlin. I am so sorry" he said after a while. Without looking at him. "I know there's no excuse... and the way I treated you when you arrived here too... you didn't deserved that" his voices sounded tight.

If this had been any other day, Merlin would have folded, he would have told him that it was forgotten. Any other day, Merlin would have bitten the bullet of disappointment, and would have try to understand his point of view, his situation. Any other day...

"Arthur" he said after a long silence "I think it's time for us to rethink about what we want from this relationship" he could see the moment all the muscles in Arthur's body tensed up.

"What do you mean?" He sounded so scared, and Merlin fought the urge to hold him.

"What I mean Arthur it's that, this relationship can't go on like this forever" Merlin breathed slowly, trying to express himself as accurately as posible "I feel like im living on borrowed time with you, and even if you are the one in the wrong, I feel like I should just be grateful to have you a little longer, no matter how you much you may hurt me"

"That's not true Merlin, please, I would never intentionally hurt you. how can you think that? I love you" he finally looked Merlin in the eye. They were red and swollen, and a bit desperate.

"I know you love me Arthur, I believe you" he tried to swallow the knot in his throat "but sometimes that's just not enough" Merlin sat back at the sofa, looking at the ceiling. The same ceiling he had been looking since he arrived yesterday, thinking the same things, over and over. "I know you love me, and I love you, more than anything. But I also know that you would never invite me to a company dinner, you would never even acknowledge me in front of your coworkers, you would purposely hide me from your dad..."

"Merlin" Arthur said his name like a warning.

"Im not trying to be resentful Arthur" Merlin spat "they're just facts. Like the fact that you hate your job, and it makes you miserable. But you would never leave. Even if it's a shit job, at a horrible and inmoral company" he kept his tone neutral, he wanted to make a point "I would never ask you to leave, because a would never want to put you in a position where you would need to choose"

"Merlin" now his name sounded like a prayer, and a question.

"I think I always knew that I really never had a chance if you had to choose" suddenly his voice quivered.

"That's not..."

"Arthur please!" he really didn't want to hear empty promises, so he made a gesture for him to wait "I told you that yesterday was important, you knew that. And you choose him" he will not cry, no more "You ditched me, last minute. You left me alone even though I told you I Wanted you with me" his words bouncing on the walls.

"I didn't think..." Arthur was trembling a bit. And he looked like his world had been rocked and put upside-down.

"Arthur, you already have a life planed out. And you are the one that's choosing to keep it that way, you are going with the plan. And one day I will have to see how the papers and magazines cover the stories of you ascending to CEO of the world's most evil construction company, and marrying a young nice pretty girl, who is really boring and bratty but also insanely rich and has good connections, and have three beautiful very normal and healthy kids... all while I keep fighting with my little NGO to change the status quo that you reinforce. Don't you see that you don't have space for me in your future?" all the resolve to keep his cool abandoned him mid speech but at least he got it out. Arthur was looking at him like he had just told him that he only had a minute to live.

"I don't see a future without you Merlin" Arthur said, really softly, eyes shining with soon to be shed tears.

It hurt Merlin to hurt Arthur.

He never wanted to hurt Arthur.

Merlin brought up his legs and hugged his knees, hiding his face momentarily biting his lips hard, while blinking away the tears. "I love you Arthur, and I don't think I could leave you alone if I wanted to. But I think this relationship... it puts unfair expectations, for both of us" Merlin swallowed "It's not fair for me to expect something you are not ready, nor willing to give" he argued as calmly as he could. "I suppose we work better as friends"

He could see Arthur wanted to fight.

He also could see that Arthur had seen his point.

"What if...?" Arthur started, shaky. "What if I leave?" Merlin's brows furrowed confused. "My father, I mean. What If I leave him? What If I leave Pendragon Constructions? Everything... what if i..." he was starting to stammer and was not making sense. So Merlin took his hands.

"Why would you do that?" I was the genuine confusion in his expression that made Arthur sob.

"Because I love you Merlin!" he practically screamed with broken voice and desperate eyes. "please" begged silently.

"I think that if you do that. You'll resent me, eventually" he tried to reason while giving a reassuring squeeze to his hold "He is your father Arthur, you love him, and you want to make him proud, I understand that" even when he knew what it meant for himself "But you also are better than he could ever be" he assured "You won't ever lose me, I'll just need some space"

"I don't think I can do that" Arthur spoke carefully while caressing his hand "I don't know how to, I don't want to" he breathed trying to calm himself. "But I will try for you if you want me to" he swallowed "But don't misunderstand. I am not giving up on us. I won't" using his hold he pulled Merlin in for a hug. "I am sorry, I am sorry I disappointed you, I am sorry you felt like that, but above all I am sorry that you are right" he hugged him strongly and Merlin tried and failed nor to melt in his arms. "But this won't be the end Merlin, you are right for now. I will work, everyday, every moment to deserve you, to make you feel loved, to prove to you and to myself that I can become the man that you think I can be, and when that day arrives, Merlin I will sweep you off your feet" he talked those words like it was a threat, directly in his ear, while holding him close, so Merlin decided that just one last time, he would believe in him.

He would keep hoping.

[alastor-simp]

How Do You Cheer Up/Apologize To Them After Making Them Upset - Floyd Leech

"Jade, have you seen Floyd?" You were sitting at Mostro Lounge, in one of the bar stools, as Jade was polishing some glasses. "Unfortunately he is not in at the moment, he said he wasn't feeling well today." Jade said, with a worried expression on his face. Sighing, you knew for a fact Floyd wasn't sick, but upset from your little fight yesterday.

**Flashback** Floyd was being himself as always, calling you silly nicknames and distracting you from doing your work. It got to the point you finally snapped and told him to go away because he was being annoying. Floyd stayed quiet and he left the room, with a frown on his face. You were glad he left you alone but you felt a pang of guilt, as realized what you said to him. You tried looking for him to apologize, but you had no luck.

Back to the present, you looked at Jade and asked him, if it was possible for you to go see Floyd. Jade advised against it since if Floyd was really sick, he probably didn't want to see anybody or run the risk of getting someone like you sick, but Jade could see that you wouldn't take no for an answer, so he instructed you where Floyd's room was in Octavinelle. Thanking Jade, you got up from the booth and left Monstro Lounge and made your way over to Floyd's room, finally reaching the door that had a sign on it saying "FLOYD LEECH". Knocking on the door, you called for Floyd, but you got no response. After about a few minutes, you decided to make your way inside his room. "Floyd? Are you here?" You took in the sight of his room, which was in disarray with clothes scattered on the floor and the bed was unmade. You looked all over, but saw no Floyd, so you assumed he had stepped out. Turning your head, you heard the sound of water running coming from the door on the left, most likely the bathroom. You walked closer and peeked inside, finding Floyd. He was in his merman form, laying inside the filled bathtub as the water continued to pour from the faucet into the tub, water overflowing and leaking on to the floor. His head was leaning back and his eyes appeared to be closed, appearing to be sleeping inside the tub. "FLOYD!" You yelled as you ran towards Floyd, turning off the faucet to the tub, and touched Floyd's cheek, making sure he was ok. Floyd's eyes slowly opened and he turned his head to look at you, with a blank expression, eyes dull and lifeless. "Hm? Shrimpy-chan? Why are you here?" You looked at Floyd with a sad expression, and you softly began to cry, "Jade told me you was staying in your room, and so I came to see you." Floyd turned his head away from you and started to speak, "didn't you tell me to go away? That I was annoying?" You grabbed Floyd's head and turned it back towards you, "I did say that, but I felt horrible, and so I went out to find you yesterday, but I couldn't find you anywhere. Gomenasai, Floyd. I didn't mean what I said. You are not annoying and I didn't want you to go away, I care about you."

Floyd stared at you, and then he smiled his famous sharped-tooth smile. "Awww~. You care about me Shrimpy-chan?" Floyd continued to smile at you, and you couldn't help but smile back, having missed his smile so much. "Well since you are here now, Care to join me~? Floyd's eel tail began to wrap around your waist and he pulled you towards him, landing in the tub with a splash and your body on top of Floyd's. "AHH-WAIT! FLOYD! YOU'RE NAKED AND I'M STILL IN MY DORM CLOTHES! You tried to get out from the tub, but Floyd had wrapped his tail and arms around you, giving you his famous squeeze hugs. "Ehehe~ Don't worry, Shrimpy. It's fine." Floyd hugged you tighter and placed his head on top of yours, while your face was pressed against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Realizing he wasn't planning on letting you go, you decided to relax and stay in his embrace while continuing to listen to his heartbeat. The water inside the tub was freezing cold, but the arms and tail that were wrapped around you were keeping you warm. You slowly realized that Floyd's hugs were always warm and comforting, as you wrapped your arms around Floyd, squeezing him back as both of you laid inside the water-filled tub.

(𝐻𝑜𝑤 𝐹𝑙𝑜𝑦𝑑 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑙𝑎𝑦𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑡𝑢𝑏, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑤𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑦𝑜𝑢 ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑓𝑎𝑚𝑜𝑢𝑠 𝑠ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑝 𝑠𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑒↑. (𝐶𝑟𝑒𝑑𝑖𝑡 𝑡𝑜 @ 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑖_𝑚𝑠𝑟 𝑜𝑛 𝑇𝑤𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟).

[scekrex]

I know you've wrote that you got a bit of a writer's block, but I've got an idea for you for later on when you're up in power of creativity.

So, I just woke up from, I'm not sure, a night terror, maybe (might be the hallucinations that are getting to me after yesterday, wooohoo, vicious cycle of not sleeping), and it might sound absolutely weird, but it got me thinking and I came up with an idea for a prompt where the reader gets a night terror, maybe something related to his family before he died like his godson or goddaughter are being tormented by some invisible force in a pram, the reader walks over to it wanting to release the kiddo. When he does, the child does what every kid likes to do which is sort of climbing when you get them into your arms, they like to completely change their arms position and try to get on top of your head, so the kid does that and the reader could feel like a sharp pinch on the back of his neck. The child suddenly dissappeared and he cupped the place where he felt the pain before suddenly waking up in cold sweat to Adam trying to calm him down to the best of his, we all know not the best, abilities, but he's trying! So a cookie for him. They just simply cuddle in silence until everything is fine and it's completely up to you if you want to make the reader talk about whatever happened in his night terror or not. I'm just feeling like some angst with a happy ending, cause jesuuus that nightmare/night terror/sleep hallucination was foking wild 💀

That's how I looked after I woke up, srs

No more writers block, bitches, ur boy's back at it again whoop whoop, (where's my fucking hype train huh??/jk) I also hope you slept better this time <3

Night Terrors

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: language, night terrors (I guess)

note: not beta read bc fuck you I don't have beta readers

Screams and cries of a little child filled your ears and once you were able to focus on your surroundings, your eyes caught your adorable little goddaughter who was sitting in her pram.

She was screaming, crying out your name as she seemed to hit something invisible to your eyes, she was desperately trying to get whatever it was off of her but still being so small she had no chance. Her face was red and her lungs must have hurt by how loudly she's been screaming, tears were running down her cheeks as she tried to get out of her pram - to no success.

You walked over to her, not quite understanding what was wrong with her - what was wrong with the situation. You had goosebumps all over your body and it was only then that you noticed you were shaking. Where that feeling came from you didn't know but what you did know was that you had to get to your goddaughter. The poor little thing needed to calm down, her body must have been exhausted already and she was still putting up a fight.

“Hey there, little princess,” your words sounded unreal in your own ears, as if they were muffled by cotton, but you continued talking to her as you reached to pick her up, “Now, now, pumpkin, I’m here now, you don't need to be afraid anymore.” The little girl looked at you with curious eyes as she made grabby hands at you. You finally lifted her out of her pram and rested her on your hip with one arm wrapped around her body, the other supporting her head. “See?” you smiled softly at the little girl. “You’re all safe now, I won't let anything happen to you, pumpkin,” you assured the little human as you wiped her tears from her cheeks.

She, however, seemed to have different plans, because while she did stop to scream and she did stop to kick around, she was now climbing up your body - with your hands supporting her obviously. “Whatcha doing?” you asked, irritated by her behavior. She had done that before, it was simply what toddlers did, but she never went further than your shoulder. This time though, she covered your face with her small body as she wrapped her arms and legs around your head tightly.

You tried to pull her away, tried to get the child off of you but to no avail. You called out for help, somebody, anybody, but neither were your calls answered nor did someone step in. She was making it hard for you to breathe and then you felt a sharp pain going through your body, its origin at your neck where your goddaughter’s little hands and mouth had just been, causing you to scream at the top of your lungs. What the fuck was that? Had the little girl bit you? You weren't sure, to be completely honest, you didn't know what was going on entirely.

Suddenly the weight of the child disappeared and when you tried to grab the body that had just been on top of your head, there was nothing but air, nothing unusual and most importantly not your goddaughter. Your hand moved to your neck instead, where the pain came from and once your hand touched the area, your eyes shot open and your body was sitting upright on a soft mattress.

Your heart was pumping fast, so fast that if you were still alive you surely would've had a stroke. Sweat was covering your entire body which caused you to shiver violently, you didn't know if it was because you were actually cold or because of the panic that was still screaming inside you.

Then there were hands on your body, one big, warm and so familiar feeling hand was located on your shoulder, the other cupped your cheek softly. Your head snapped to the side where a warm body was pressed against you and with wide eyes you looked at your boyfriend.

Your boyfriend.

The fog that had made it hard to see your surroundings disappeared and all of a sudden your mind was clear again, silent, but clear.

Adam was holding you, your head was resting against his chest and the tip of his feathers gently caressed your arm, his heartbeat was normal, calm even and it helped you to calm down as well. Your eyes that had been wide open only seconds ago were falling shut and you leaned into the warmth the brunette offered you. “There you are, babes,” he mumbled with his face buried in your hair, visibly relieved about that fact. “Thought you were dying,” you knew just as much as him that you wouldn't die that easily but it gave you some kind of fuzzy feeling to think that, to pretend that you could've died, to pretend that you were still human. Just for the moment.

“No I-” you interrupted yourself. You wanted to explain to him what had happened, that you hadn't been dying. But the words never left your lips, instead you simply shook your head and repeated, “No.” Adam placed a kiss on your head, “Good.”

That was a thing about Adam that you adored, well one of the many things. He never pressured you to talk, he always gave you time and space if needed, even if it was hard for the both of you to understand and handle. So you silently cuddled up against him, your arms were wrapped around his hips and your face was buried in his chest as you listened to his heartbeat. Oh his heartbeat, one of the few things in heaven that were able to calm you down in an instant. His calm breathing helped you too and you breathed with him in order to calm your body down.

“Sorry for waking you,” you mumbled against his skin, pressing your face even closer to his chest in embarrassment. “Shut up, babes,” he simply said. You knew he meant ‘It doesn't matter as long as you're safe and well’ and ‘I love you, stop apologizing for such nonsense’. So you did. You did shut up and continued to listen to his body, in the distance you heard a couple of birds singing but that was quickly tuned out by Adam who was humming something - probably one of the countless songs he and his band had written. But you enjoyed it, enjoyed him humming to you, him giving you the comfort you needed without questioning it.

Soon he slowly laid back down, pulling you down with him. Your head was still resting on his chest - your entire body was laying on top of him. “Try to catch some sleep babes, whatever fucked up demon was haunting you, I'll fight that bastard off for you if he tries again.” You chuckled softly at that but gave a quiet hum in agreement. You felt how his wings came up to wrap around your body to underline his words, he'd protect you.

He always did.

[readwithluna]

— Progress post :

So I've been listening to @adambja "I am control tape"& it's been quite long hand in hand it has helped me to be calm and my anxiety attacks has lesser down more over i don't panic when thing suddenly comes up now that from yesterday I've started to listen her new tapes which are : dream reality & manifesting ability and I've listed few things I want to manifest along with entering the void state so i will be updating my daily progress & experience when i will be done listening to those tapes here also idk what to titled this so I just wrote progress post lol that's all i will be living in end for that 💗🤍

• day 1 : listened each for 1 hour

• day 2 : listened each for 1 hour

Okay update so yesterday I had a very dirty fight with my mother even when i woke up crying this morning and I was feeling very low but still I pull myself out of the bed and went to gym in that mean time i listen to both tapes I was feeling very light after that will update tomorrow 💖

OMG so update my yesterday dream i remember it vividly even i remember everyone faces 😭on the top of that i was murmuring something about entering the void shit it felt so real I've never dreamt of anything like this. I listened to both tapes before going to bed and today also i am gonna do the same also i wrote down my yesterday dream i will be doing some reality checks

Update : Day 5 okay I listen each tapes for 1hours I feel i am getting closer to my desire therefore i remind myself to live in end I've been more productive and I went to visit mall yesterday and i didn't feel anxious even when I was alone & also my dreams are more vivid and weird i have started a new routine for void I will keep listening to this tape and will update tomorrow 💖

Day 6-7 update: I've been really well these past days and I feel my self concept is really good now and regarding with the void state i really have very vivid dreams also i got into sleep paralysis but i got scared and didn't affrim will update tomorrow 💕🤍